9 // To order off the kids menu or to NOT order off the kids menu?
To order off the kids menu or to NOT order off the kids menu?
Hear how this dietitian mom answers the question and handles eating out with her own little kids
Wondering how Ashley feeds her kids when her family goes out to a restaurant?
Tune in to this episode for real-life dietitian mom advice and encouragement on:
How to handle ordering out for our kids (or letting them choose!)
Important considerations that you as the parent can control (even if/when your child doesn’t eat what they ordered)
Keeping a big picture perspective of navigating nutrition during an occasional meal away from home or when on an extended vacation
For all of your families who need a night off from cooking or are packing for spring break, this is an episode you will definitely want to make sure to tuck in the diaper bag to take with you!
Listen to this episode of The Veggies & Virtue Podcast now!
Full Episode Transcription
Please note this a raw transcription. If something doesn’t read correctly, toggle to that timestamp in the show so that you can listen in on what was actually being said!
[00:00:00] All right. So at the time of this episode, airing, I am currently in Disney world with my family. And hopefully we having a great time, but I am recording this before the fact to share with you my answers and my thought processes as a mom and as a dietician to a question that I get often, and that is what is the best way to handle meals at a restaurant.
[00:00:19] I have a lot of parents who are wanting to know, do I order for my children? Do I give them a couple of choices? How do I let them decide how does that fit within the division of responsibility? So we are going to dive into that today. I'm going to share both my advice and my experiences so that you know, how I would handle that as well as how I encourage you to, when you find yourself eating out either on occasion or for a more extended time as is for my family.
[00:00:50] Hey, mama, I'm Ashley, and welcome to the veggies. And for two podcast in this podcast, you will find simple menu ideas, kitchen, organizational systems, spelled out for mom life and feeding [00:01:00] tips and tricks that are both evidence-based in grace placed. I believe that you can find flexibility when it comes to feeding your family so that you can feel calm, capable, and connected in the kitchen as a registered dietician and Christian mom of three myself, and want you to break free from the mealtime battles and to feel like.
[00:01:15] Feeding your kids all day long, pull up a stool at my kitchen counter. And let me pour you a cup of coffee and say a quick prayer for you. It's time to chat about the mealtime messes moments in ministry of motherhood.
[00:01:29] All right. So a little bit of an embarrassing story, but I literally had a no. On my phone with some blog posts, I started writing to myself in my head units that I'm still have these ideas that come to me and I'll think, oh, this'll be good. Future content. And I think this was like back in 2017 when I just was starting to like share any of my thoughts with the world as a dietician mom.
[00:01:49] And oh, the pride I had back then, you know, that had, like you say, all these things you will never do as a parent, then you become a parent. Well, that was me to a T. And I remember thinking I will never have my kid eat [00:02:00] off of the kid's menu. Like it's just hotdogs cheeseburgers and chicken nuggets. And not that there's anything wrong with those foods, but I remember thinking, oh, my child would be so limited when restaurants have so many great foods, I'll never have my child eat off a kids.
[00:02:15] I feel like we can all take a moment of silence to laugh at me and the dietician mom I once was and just, you know, prideful thought I would always be. And then my daughter got old enough to eat out at restaurants. We added additional children are facing. And the reality is, is my kids do eat off children's menu quite often if we eat out.
[00:02:36] And so I'm just putting that out there for any permission that if anyone's kid eats Mac and cheese anywhere and everywhere they go, this is not an episode to shame you out of that. Or to make you feel guilty that you are letting your child not just color on and play with the kids menu, that you were letting them order options off of that.
[00:02:56] If you are familiar with me and my feeding approach, you know, [00:03:00] that I think that there's room for all foods to fit. I want families in children, particularly to grow up with a neutrality towards all foods that they understand that there's a time and a place in a way to enjoy. The variety of foods that we have before us.
[00:03:14] And then I don't want to vilify any one given food, and that includes any one type of menu. So I'm just going to put that out here from the get go. So, you know, kind of where I'm starting at this from, but I also want to talk with you because I know that the division of responsibility being that the parent is in charge of what, when and where food is offered.
[00:03:30] And the child gets to decide if, whether and how much food is. It can be challenging or at least a little bit confusing when it comes to eating out at restaurants. And what we need to really consider is how often is this happening? And so if your family is eating out one night, a week or a couple of times a month, or pretty infrequently, and not always at the same place, the way I would approach that is very different.
[00:03:55] Then how I would approach it. If you are say on vacation again, [00:04:00] in the case of what my family is doing this week, while we are away from home and we will be eating majority of our meals out, that's a different approach because it's not just one meal here in that. It's multiple meals a day and it does impact the child, not just nutritionally, of course, while one week isn't going to make or break their nutritional status, it is going to impact their energy, their emotions, their regulation of blood sugar over the day and over the activities that we're doing.
[00:04:27] And so we want to be mindful of that. Are we raising our children to know how to act in these situations? Are we know, are we equipping. To know how to enjoy activities and adventures and opportunities to eat away from the house. And how do we do that so that we can ultimately enjoy our time away as much as possible as a family, and yet still keep some of the feeding foundation.
[00:04:51] And the approaches that we use at home consistent when we're awake and out of the house. So when we dive into how to approach this, I want you to be [00:05:00] thinking about it in terms of what your role in the feeding relationship is and what your child's role in the feeding relationship is. So if we're breaking this down into what, when and where food is offered, being your responsibility as the parent, and if, whether, and how much of the food your child eats being there.
[00:05:17] The same can apply with our views slightly adjusted when it comes to eating out. And so when we're considering what this is, what we're allowing them to choose off of the Menil, depending on the agent stage of your child, you may be choosing for them because they're either non-verbal not reading yet.
[00:05:35] Especially as kids learn how to read, they start to have a lot more interest. And honestly they know the options. You know, when kids are younger confession, I would only tell my kids the options that I wanted them to choose from because they couldn't read it. So just like anything. And I share this in all meals, not just eating out meals, give them an either or option.
[00:05:52] And you narrow it down to two that you can feel comfortable in. This does not mean that these are the two most nutritionally dense options on the [00:06:00] menu, but you can choose two that you think give your child some options that they can eat and enjoy alongside you at the table. If you know that you're at a sushi restaurant and your child has never had.
[00:06:11] To ask them if they want a California roll or a tiger role is probably not an appropriate question. So you want to bring it down to, do they want rice or do they want noodles? Do they want edamame or do they want it? You have to be flexible with this and consider how can you utilize the bit, like learning it framework to decide what they will be having, expose them to new foods, let them have you know, exposure to what you're eating.
[00:06:35] If what you have ordered is a learning at food, but also. As with any meal, we want to be offering them something that is typically a preferred food. Now, with that, I will say my children, not initially, actually as early children, they did not like macaroni and cheese, but as they got older, they had learned to like macaroni and cheese.
[00:06:54] Well, any of us know, as with any food at restaurants that macaroni and cheese that I make at home is never the same [00:07:00] as what is served at restaurants. It can be served a variety of ways at restaurants. And so even though my child may like, or love macaroni and cheese, If I'm giving that macaroni and cheese is one of their options.
[00:07:11] I also have to know this may be something that if they choose. They may not like it. So again, offering them different things because they may realize they really liked the bread at that restaurant, or, you know, that it served with a side of fruit and they love fruit. You may opt to order them milk. I do encourage only water and milk at restaurants.
[00:07:29] I think keep that boundary as long as you can. So you're not opening the can of worms into eliminate juice and all the things like that. But that's a soap box for another episode. So I think when it comes to what you are offering your child, offer them either or. Particularly when they're young, if they're young enough that they're still eating very small amounts and they might just be taking kind of bites from yours, select what you're having accordingly and think through, you know, are you going to have a salad?
[00:07:56] Well, if there's not a lot of toppings on the salad that your child can eat and let us, it's still a [00:08:00] different, difficult food for them to eat, then maybe you might choose a salmon salad that has, you know, avocado on it and fed cheese and different things that you can. Separate out and give them little elements too.
[00:08:12] You may choose that you want to get a chicken burger with sweet potato fries, so you can give them little pieces of what you're eating. So you can do that really with any age kid, but particularly when a child's appetite is smaller and they're not yet reading or. A kids menu as a child gets older and they can begin reading the menu themselves.
[00:08:32] Then you want to help them think through what they're choosing by the time a child's can read tends to be about a child by the age and the stage that you can be. To help kind of bring them alongside you in the division of responsibility, particularly if you've been doing this since they were very young.
[00:08:50] So with my oldest being eight and my second born being six, they both can read their own kid's menus now, but they've also been born and raised within a division of responsibility as our [00:09:00] feeding approach. So I can begin to help guide them in making wise choices on what they want to eat. If this is one night out, I'm okay with.
[00:09:08] Choosing something for themselves. That sounds good to them. I don't eat the same way out as that I do at home. I like eating things. I'm not making myself, I want to eat what sounds good. And I want to encourage them to enjoy the experience of eating out. And so many, the dynamics that come with eating at a restaurant or eating away from home, that it's not just about the nutrition of the city.
[00:09:27] So as kids get older, you can kind of walk them through that process. But if you are kind of help shaping those earlier eating habits, The foods that you're offering to them, I would give them an either or option or kind of offer it out as a family style thing from the plates that are already being ordered.
[00:09:45] Next step, we think about when, and obviously when we're on, if we're just going to a meal out, it's probably pretty consistent with what your feeding routine and the rhythm of your day already. If you know that you're going on vacation and your schedule is just going to be a little different as is ours [00:10:00] with Disney.
[00:10:00] And we are, you know, having a different, a different flow to our entire day. I still want to be intentional with trying to space regular eating opportunities. This is to help balance their blood sugar, to make sure that they're having consistent opportunities to eat and fueling them with snacks. Are my kids going to have a Dole lip here or a Mickey mouse shaped ice cream dilly bar.
[00:10:23] They're absolutely, of course I will let them. That is something that is fun and exciting and a part of the experience that I'm going to welcome for them, but those are not going to be the things that really sustain them over the course of the day. So I think when you're looking at eating out on a vacation, you want to still be trying to be intentional about making sure every two to three hours.
[00:10:44] Your child has an eating opportunity, either for a meal or a snack in between. If it's going to be a more extended time in between the main meals of the day. Additionally, when you're thinking about where this is one of your roles, this is one of the ways that you can diversify what [00:11:00] you're eating in the case of being a Disney.
[00:11:02] Right now, I. I am not going to choose the exact same cuisine, every meal for my kids, because I know that then they will probably want the exact same thing at each place. We go, I do not want my child, my child, little and my children eating cheese pizza every day for lunch for seven. So one day we might eat somewhere where they get to have cheese pizza.
[00:11:22] Another day we might eat somewhere that only has barbecue. Another day, we might eat at a fast casual that has like soup and salad. So I'm going to choose where very intentionally to help promote some of that dietary variety. And what they're eating and in our family, this is take it or leave up at an, our family.
[00:11:40] We do have a rule that if we're at a restaurant that is of a certain cuisine, we are going to choose something from that certain cuisine. So I do not allow my, choose my children to choose something like a cheeseburger at a Mexican restaurant. I would not let them choose something like chicken nuggets at trainees.
[00:11:57] And so that's just one of the boundaries that we have. [00:12:00] So if they say well that I can see that kid at that table has chicken nuggets and French fries, we can say that is so great. And that must be a food that they enjoy. And our family, we choose to eat something and to learn to like foods that come from the culture that we're eating at the restaurant from.
[00:12:13] So let's talk about some things that you might enjoy that are traditional to this restaurant, and we'd walk them through different options. And so of course, if your child is still has a more limited, love it, like it learning, it lists and their love it list is very narrow and they're learning it list is very long.
[00:12:31] You may have to be a little more liberal with this in terms of how you're doing this, but again, you can always pair it with some. Pair it with some fruit at a restaurant, you can ask that pro that as a side, and you can use those as your love suits to begin exposing them to different types of the other foods that they either like or love, but maybe just need exposure to different types of.
[00:12:51] So when you're deciding where food is offered, as well as what food is being offered, if your child asks for a cheeseburger off the kid's [00:13:00] menu and you know that they already had that for lunch that day and it's dinner time now, or they had it yesterday, another family feeding role that we have in my family that I really encourage other families to adopt is to say we had that yesterday.
[00:13:12] Let's pick something else today. You're welcome to have that. And our house, whether we may be at home or on vacation, we have the role. We do not eat the same thing twice in a day or. You know, every once in a while. Yes, there are exceptions. Sometimes we eat the bananas before they go round day after day, but that just helps prevent us from getting into a food Jaguar.
[00:13:31] We're repeating the same snacks every day or the same breakfast every day or the same request for lunch or dinner every day. And this is especially important when you're on vacation and it can be really easy to just default to a cheeseburger every day for lunch. And so it's a great opportunity to help them begin to branch out and find what other options they may enjoy.
[00:13:50] Again, if your child has a very limited Lovett list and you have an extreme picky eater who has very narrow list, obviously you need to make more adaptations to this [00:14:00] approach, to in order to be really compassionate and consider it. How few foods they would eat as you probably are needing to, with a lot of the dynamics of feeding your child away from home and having the safe foods that they really feel comfortable eating, especially outside of their normal environment and routine and everything like that.
[00:14:16] So when it comes to our child's job, my eating out, whether it be a single meal or particularly in the case of a vacation where you're eating several meals away from home, we want to think about their job. Now, if weather and how much they get. This can be extremely triggering for families because no parent wants to go spend $9 on some chicken nuggets that the food cost is probably a dollar.
[00:14:44] Only for our child to not eat it. And as parents at home, it's one thing. We may eat the chicken nuggets that our kids don't eat off their plate and call it our own lunch. When we're eating out, we're getting something ourselves, and we're not relying on their leftover scraps as our meal. It can be very aggravating [00:15:00] to have a meal that we order for our child.
[00:15:02] And one, we know our child's leaving the meal, having not eaten. And two, we are wasting food because especially if we're. In the case of my vacation this week, we're walking on Disney. I'm probably not going to carry around a bunch of food with me that I can't keep food safe. And that I don't know that my children, I mean, if they didn't want it the first time, they may not want it again later as a snack.
[00:15:22] And so that can be super aggravating as a parent, when our children. When it comes to, if, whether they eat, they decide not to, or if they do, and it comes down to how much they eat, they eat very little and we feel that there's a tremendous amount of food waste. So we want to prepare ourselves ahead of time for the potential for this, because.
[00:15:41] Mac and cheese is not apples to apples in any restaurant. Grilled cheeses are not the same in any restaurant chicken nuggets vary in all restaurants. These seem like very small things to us. Whereas parents, we can say you love grilled cheese. You love Mac and cheese. You love chicken nuggets, and just assume that they're going to like it.
[00:15:57] But if you followed me for any amount of time, you know, [00:16:00] I share a lot about all the qualifiers to these foods that our kids have in their brain as little detectives, where they realize all these little nuances that are different to them, that feel really, really big. And so it is not apples to apples between restaurants.
[00:16:15] And we have to remember that as parents so that when we're watching, if, whether, and how much our kids eat, that we're still maintaining. No. It is very hard not to pressure them when we know we're going to be outside the house and we're going to have busy days on vacation and doing lots of activities.
[00:16:32] And we don't want them to melt down in a little while. And so we really need them to be right now. It can be very easy to just open. Our approach with feeding and to begin pressuring or to begin getting them to try and eat a certain amount as if that's going to make or break their blood sugar for the remainder of the afternoon.
[00:16:50] And so we need to remember that that's still even on vacation is our child's job. You can be responsive and making sure that you are providing [00:17:00] really nourishing satiating snacks in between. So maybe, you know, on a day that your child. Really hearty lunch and that was well-balanced and it had the protein, the fat and the fiber to keep them full for longer.
[00:17:13] Maybe they have kind of more novel, fun snack that is not quite as nourishing or filling. And so they're having a rainbow unicorn lollipop or something instead, and they're having that with a bag of. That may not be the most satisfying snack if they skip all of their lunch. So you, as the parent, get you be the parent and you get to be the adult who has the advantage of seeing a bigger picture and seeing if they don't eat lunch, we need to make sure that when we're coming in with the caboose of a snack in a couple hours, that it's something that is going to be a little more well-rounded and provide a little bit more balanced nutrition to help hold them.
[00:17:50] Until our next meal. This is also where if you were on a vacation where you're able to either grocery shop while you're away or pack snacks and bring them into say a theme park [00:18:00] or something like that with you, that you want to be really mindful that you're not packing. Goldfish crackers or fruit snacks, or maybe some of those default snacks that might be your kids' favorites at home, because this is when you need to try and get more of the nutrition in them because you know that they might've missed out on that meal because they chose not to eat the Mac and cheese.
[00:18:20] That was a little bit different than what they're used to. And so you're packing things like frightened nut bars that have a little bit more fat protein and fiber to keep them full. Or maybe you're able to pack milk boxes or frozen yogurt tubes that you put in the froze freezer and you throw in the diaper bag with all the other water bottles and everything that can kind of thought over time.
[00:18:42] You can do the same thing with cheese sticks. If your child's old enough. Nuts are not a choking hazard. You can either do peanut butter crackers for younger kids, or you can do trail mix with nuts and whole grain cereal and dried fruit for older kids. You want to be seeing this as an opportunity that again, this is something that you, as a parent do have control [00:19:00] over what, when and where you get to choose what, when and where those snacks are.
[00:19:03] And if you choose that you're going to have. That you prepacked or that you chose rather than one of the more novel snacks maybe offered by your surroundings on vacation. That is something you have control over whether or not your child ate their breakfast, lunch or dinner is not something that is yours to own.
[00:19:21] So you can really adapt and pivot and go prepared on these trips to help set your child up for success. And to de-stress a little bit yourself on whether or not they're going to have a full enough belly to engage in all the activities of. Right. This episode went a little bit long, but I had a lot to cram in, as I was thinking about how I will be feeding my children on our trip and wanting to empower you.
[00:19:45] If you were on spring break now, or you are preparing for a spring break or as we gear up and get closer to summer. And when you think about that, whatever you do and wherever you go, whether it be for one meal or a week away, I want you to enjoy. From cooking [00:20:00] for yourself because mama, I love nothing more than when I don't have to do dishes for a week.
[00:20:03] I don't have to think of the menu for a week. I just like to get away and eat. I probably overeat because it's food. And I love that. And I think with that, we get to role model, so many amazing, healthy life skills for our kids and showing them how we eat and enjoy. And we modeled this intuitive eating model where we get to just delight in the experiences and the adventures and the appetites that come with it to eat and enjoy foods that we don't have every day.
[00:20:30] And that is a good part of our. And our family's memories. Each of us can remember the family memories and the foods associated with them from trips. We took as a kid and restaurants, we used to frequent. And so let's not get so concentrated on what is being ordered or offered that we miss the bigger picture perspective of how we get to role models to our children, the enjoyment, and the overall experience that does include the food.
[00:20:57] So when you get back home, you can get back into a [00:21:00] routine. You can offer a more well-balanced diets, but I hope that this advice will encourage you to just savor that time with your family, savor the time away. If it's just an hour outside of the house. A week out doing something and exploring somewhere else.
[00:21:15] I hope. And I pray that this advice and this encouragement is just something that you can pack the diaper bag with you and towed along to the restaurant or on your vacation so that you can have the best time.
[00:21:30] It has been a joy having you on podcast today. And if you've enjoyed it as well, I have a quick favor to ask. Do you mind hopping over to apple podcast and leaving me a written review? This will only take you a hot second, but it truly blesses me every time I get to read one of you right over there. And it allows me to bless others through this podcast and the episodes to come.
[00:21:50] The other thing that. To take a screenshot of this episode and tag me over on Instagram at veggies in virtue, I would love to see what action steps that you're taking from this episode, and also to [00:22:00] support your family in the journey moving forward until next time. Thanks for coming over to chat at my kitchen counter.
[00:22:06] Remember that you will always have a seat and a snack waiting for you here. .
