The Beginner's Guide to Love it, Like it, Learning it
If you’ve followed Veggies & Virtue for any amount of time, you’ve likely heard me use the phrase Love It, Like It, Learning It®.
This simple framework has become one of the most practical tools I use to help families reduce picky eating, offer balanced meals, and lower stress at the table.
So if you’re wondering how to actually use it in your own home, this guide will walk you through exactly what it means — and how to start applying it today.
The Beginner's Guide to Love it, Like it, Learning it
What Is Love It, Like It, Learning It®?
Love It, Like It, Learning It® is a feeding approach designed to increase exposure to a wide variety of foods while minimizing pressure.
Built on the Division of Responsibility in Feeding, this method helps create a well-rounded food environment — even for highly selective eaters — by ensuring every meal includes:
Foods your child feels safe eating
Foods they are still getting used to
Opportunities to expand their diet over time
Rather than focusing on getting kids to eat a specific food in a specific moment, the goal is to build long-term confidence and competence around food.
Through this simple framework, parents can:
Plan meals more easily
Offer more variety without overwhelm
Reduce mealtime battles
Support healthier eating habits over time
What Are “Love It,” “Like It,” and “Learning It” Foods?
Love It Foods
Foods your child consistently enjoys and chooses when available.
These are the foods your child eats most of the time.
Your child may eat larger portions of these foods.
Like It Foods
Foods your child generally accepts but may eat less of — especially when preferred foods are available.
These are foods your child eats some of the time.
Your child may eat unpredictable portions of these foods.
Learning It Foods
Foods your child rarely eats or may not have been exposed to before.
These are foods your child is still learning to accept.
Your child may eat small to non-existent portions of these foods.
Why Use the Love It, Like It, Learning It® Approach?
Many parents assume raising an adventurous eater should be easy and natural — especially if their child was exposed to a wide variety of foods early on. Social media often reinforces this idea, showcasing toddlers happily eating everything from salmon to kale and implying that picky eating only happens when something has gone wrong.
But learning to eat is a developmental process, not a parenting outcome.
Just as children learn to crawl before they walk and babble before they speak, they move through predictable stages as they become comfortable with new foods. Feeding specialists often describe this progression as moving from tolerating a food’s presence, to interacting with it, to smelling or tasting it, and eventually to eating it (known in the SOS Approach to Feeding as the “Steps to Eating”).
During early childhood — especially between ages 2–5 — food neophobia (fear of new foods) naturally peaks. This caution is protective, not defiant. At the same time, children crave independence and predictability, which can make unfamiliar foods feel especially risky.
Without a clear framework, families often fall into patterns that feel helpful in the moment but backfire long term:
Pressure, bribery, or “just one bite” battles
Short-order cooking to ensure the child eats something
Avoiding unfamiliar foods altogether
Cycling through the same safe meals repeatedly
Worrying that picky eating will never improve
None of these approaches teach a child how to become a confident eater. They simply manage the moment.
Research suggests children may need 12–20 neutral, pressure-free exposures to accept a new food. Many families never reach that number — not because they don’t care, but because repeated refusal feels discouraging and stressful. Other families feel like they have offered a food countless times and still see no progress, not realizing that factors like pressure, portion size, timing, or emotional tension can prevent those exposures from feeling “safe” enough for learning to occur.
The Love It, Like It, Learning It® framework changes the goal.
Instead of trying to get your child to eat a new food today, you create an environment where learning to like foods happens over time — without pressure, power struggles, or separate meals.
It helps parents move from:
“How do I get my child to eat this?” to
“How do I keep offering this in a way that feels safe (for my child) and sustainable (for me as the parent)?”
By consistently including at least one accepted food alongside newer options, children can stay regulated at the table while gradually expanding their comfort zone.
Over time, families often notice:
Less anxiety around new foods
Fewer mealtime battles
Less food waste
More willingness to explore
Greater dietary variety
Increased trust between parent and child
Most importantly, this approach protects the relationship — both with food and with you.
Because raising a competent eater isn’t about forcing bites in the short term. It’s about building skills, confidence, and curiosity that last for life.
How the Love It, Like It, Learning It® Approach Works
Learning new skills — whether swimming, biking, or trying new foods — often feels uncomfortable at first. With time, repetition, and a supportive environment, children gain confidence.
Eating works the same way.
Rather than trying to get your child to eat a new food in a single sitting, the Love It, Like It, Learning It® approach focuses on how foods are offered.
At each meal or snack, include a combination of:
At least one Love It food (something your child reliably eats)
One or more Like It foods (generally accepted foods)
A small portion of a Learning It food (something new or less accepted)
This allows your child to come to the table knowing there is always something they can eat, while still being gently exposed to foods they are learning.
For example, a dinner plate might include:
Pasta with butter (Love It)
Steamed broccoli (Like It)
Grilled chicken with seasoning (Learning It)
Or a snack might include:
Crackers (Love It)
Cheese cubes (Like It)
Sliced cucumbers (Learning It)
The goal is not to balance these categories perfectly at every meal, but to make sure unfamiliar foods appear regularly alongside familiar ones.
Pairing accepted foods with newer foods makes the unfamiliar feel less threatening. Research suggests that when familiar and unfamiliar foods are offered together, children are more likely to interact with — and eventually taste — the new item.
Over time, this approach reshapes expectations around meals:
Children learn that family meals include a variety of foods
Anxiety around new foods decreases
Confidence increases
Dietary variety expands gradually
Parents benefit too.
Knowing there will always be at least one acceptable option reduces the pressure to cook separate meals or provide backups. It replaces last-minute scrambling with a simple structure you can use again and again.
Most importantly, it reinforces a healthy Division of Responsibility:
Parents decide what, when, and where food is offered
Children decide whether and how much to eat
Your job is to provide consistent opportunities to learn.
Your child’s job is to move at their own pace.
Over time, those small, repeated exposures — without pressure — are what lead to real progress.
Ready to Put This Into Practice?
Download the Love It, Like It, Learning It® Worksheet to quickly identify which foods your child currently accepts — and where to start expanding variety.
Especially helpful if:
You feel stuck offering the same “safe foods” on repeat
Your child eats only a small range of foods
New foods are often refused or ignored
You want a clear starting point without pressure
Common Mistakes When Using Love It, Like It, Learning It®
While the Love It, Like It, Learning It® approach is simple, it can be easy to unintentionally apply it in ways that undermine its effectiveness. If you’ve tried something similar before and didn’t see progress, one of these pitfalls may have been at play.
❌ Mistake #1: Offering Only Love It Foods
Out of exhaustion or a desire to avoid conflict, parents sometimes default to meals made entirely of accepted foods. While this may reduce stress in the short term, it removes opportunities for exposure and learning. It can also reinforce to your child that only preferred foods will be served — and thus should be expected at every meal.
Over time, relying solely on Love It foods can limit a child’s willingness to explore Like It or Learning It foods, making the range of accepted foods narrower rather than broader. This compromises nutritional variety and can make meal planning for families increasingly difficult.
TRY THIS:
Include at least one reliable Love It food at each meal, but pair it with one or two other foods your child is still learning. Use foods you are already preparing whenever possible — you do not need to make separate items just for exposure.
Start small. A single piece, spoonful, or bite-sized portion of a Learning It food is enough. The goal is not to “balance the plate perfectly,” but to consistently present a mix of familiar and less familiar foods so your child becomes accustomed to seeing variety.
Over time, this reshapes what your child expects a meal to include — not just preferred foods.
❌ Mistake #2: Offering Too Many Learning It Foods at Once
When parents are motivated to help their child eat better, it can be tempting to introduce several new foods at the same time. Unfortunately, a plate dominated by unfamiliar items can feel overwhelming and trigger shutdown rather than curiosity.
Children eat best when they feel safe (i.e. anxiety shuts down appetite). Too many unknowns reduce that sense of safety.
TRY THIS:
Limit new or less accepted foods to one or two Learning It foods per meal whenever possible. Keep portions small and visually non-intimidating.
Pair it with multiple familiar foods so your child can settle into eating those (often first). If you want to expose your child to several new foods in a week, rotate them across meals rather than presenting them all at once.
❌ Mistake #3: Serving Portions That Are Too Large
In an effort to help their child “get used to” a new food, parents often serve a full or adult-sized portion. What feels optimistic to the parent can feel overwhelming or even threatening to the child.
Large portions often increase visual pressure and reduce the likelihood that the child will engage at all. Instead of inviting exploration, the food becomes something to avoid.
TRY THIS:
Serve a very small portion of Learning It foods — think tiny, not typical. A single bite, a sliver, or what feeding therapists refer to as “Lego-man sized” is enough to count as exposure.
Small portions feel manageable and non-threatening, making it more likely your child will tolerate the food on their plate and eventually interact with it.
You can always offer more if interest develops. Starting small keeps the door open.
❌ Mistake #4: Assuming New Foods Will Naturally Be Interesting
Adults often assume that a new food will spark curiosity simply because it is different. For children, unfamiliar foods are more likely to feel intimidating than intriguing.
Without an element of novelty, the new food may be ignored entirely — not because the child is stubborn, but because it doesn’t yet feel approachable.
TRY THIS:
Add a layer of novelty or play to help the food move from intimidating to interesting. This might include:
A fun utensil or toothpick
A dip or sauce for interaction
A new shape or presentation
Serving the food in a small cup or compartment
Light, pressure-free food play
Letting your child help prepare or assemble it
The goal is not to entertain endlessly, but to lower the barrier to engagement so exposure can actually happen.
Some children need an invitation to interact before they are willing to taste. Creating opportunities for safe exploration supports that process.
❌ Mistake #5: Making the Learning It Food the Focus
Even gentle encouragement can create pressure when all attention is directed toward the new food. Statements like “Just try one bite” or “You’ll like it” signal to the child that eating this item is the real goal of the meal.
Pressure often reduces willingness rather than increasing it.
TRY THIS:
Serve the Learning It food matter-of-factly alongside everything else and shift your attention to connection, conversation, and modeling. Talk about neutral topics, your own experience with the meal, or how you most enjoy eating the foods offered rather than monitoring your child’s plate.
If your child engages with the new food, respond neutrally rather than with exaggerated praise. Calm acknowledgment supports confidence without creating performance pressure.
Your role is to provide the opportunity — not to persuade.
❌ Mistake #4: Assuming Exposure Means Eating
Many parents believe an exposure only “counts” if the child tastes or swallows the food. This leads to discouragement when those bites don’t happen. But it is important for parents to know that in reality, exposure begins long before tasting - especially with learning it foods.
TRY THIS:
Recognize all interactions with food as part of the learning process. Looking at the food, tolerating it on the plate, touching it, smelling it, serving it to others or themselves, or even moving it on their plate around are meaningful steps forward.
Continue offering the food periodically without requiring any specific response. Progress is often subtle and cumulative, not dramatic.
When expectations shift from “eat it” to “learn about it,” both parent and child experience less stress.
❌ Mistake #5: Offering Backup Meals When the Child Refuses
When a child refuses dinner and is immediately offered an alternative, they learn that persistence leads to a preferred outcome. This can unintentionally reinforce avoidance of unfamiliar foods.
It also places parents in the exhausting role of short-order cook.
TRY THIS:
Build the safety into the original meal by including at least one Love It food. This ensures your child has something they can eat without requiring you to prepare a separate option.
Serve meals at predictable times and trust your child to decide what and how much to eat from what is offered. If little is eaten, the next planned meal or snack provides another opportunity — without negotiation or replacement meals.
Consistency communicates both structure and trust.
❌ Mistake #6: Expecting Immediate Results
In a culture of quick fixes, it’s easy to assume that a new strategy should produce visible improvement within days or weeks. When progress feels slow, parents may abandon the approach prematurely.
But eating habits develop over years, not days.
TRY THIS:
Commit to consistency rather than intensity. Focus on creating a reliable pattern of balanced offerings at meals instead of tracking short-term outcomes.
Look for small indicators of progress — increased tolerance, curiosity, or reduced resistance — rather than dramatic changes in intake. These subtle shifts often precede noticeable dietary expansion.
Think of this approach as building a foundation, not forcing a breakthrough.
❌ Mistake #7: Forgetting That Parents Need Support Too
Parents who care deeply often feel pressure to “do it right.” Attempting to categorize every food perfectly or engineer every meal can become overwhelming and unsustainable.
Perfection is not required for progress.
TRY THIS:
Use the Love It, Like It, Learning It® framework as a guide, not a rigid formula. Many meals will naturally include foods from multiple categories without deliberate planning.
Aim for “good enough” consistency rather than flawless execution. Even small, repeated exposures within everyday family meals (and snacks!) can produce meaningful change over time.
Your calm, sustainable effort matters far more than precision.
The Bottom Line
Love It, Like It, Learning It® is not about getting children to eat specific foods on demand. It’s about creating a predictable, low-pressure environment where learning can happen naturally.
When applied consistently — without pressure, overload, or short-order cooking — it supports both children and parents in building a healthier relationship with food.
Ready to Try This in Your Own Home?
The easiest place to start is identifying which foods currently fall into each category for your child.
This worksheet is especially helpful if:
You feel stuck offering the same “safe foods” on repeat
New foods are usually refused or ignored
Mealtimes feel tense, unpredictable, or discouraging
You want a practical plan — not more theory
You’re ready for progress that doesn’t rely on pressure
Download the Love It, Like It, Learning It® Worksheet — a practical tool that includes:
A list of 150+ kid-friendly foods
A template to map your child’s current preferences
A clear starting point for expanding variety
If your goal is to raise a “competent eater” — as feeding expert Ellyn Satter describes — this framework gives you a practical place to begin.
Start small. Stay consistent. Focus on exposure, not perfection.
And if you want step-by-step guidance implementing this approach with real-life meals, schedules, and family dynamics, the Mealtimes Made Easy membership walks you through exactly how to do that.