70 // What to do when your kid keeps asking for candy
What to do when your kid keeps asking for candy
a mom’s guide to taking action instead of feeling annoyed
Are you stressed out, annoyed, or simply just unsure how to handle it every time your child asks for another piece of Halloween candy?
If you have listened to the other episodes in this series on Halloween, you know that discerning how much is "too much" with how much is "enough," isn't always a black and white answer.
However, HOW we approach this is rather straight-forward. Rather than feeling the need to excessively control and restrict or uncontrollably let our kids have at their candy (in a way that disrupts their appetite for other foods and eating opportunities), this episode will walk you through how to add structure and predictably to a request that can otherwise escalate into an issue.
This how-to will help you to work together with your child to come up with a plan for how much and how often candy is enjoyed. This will lessen any stress, annoyance, and uncertainty on both sides of the feeding relationship.
Listen to this episode of The Veggies & Virtue Podcast now!
Full Episode Transcription
Please note this a raw transcription. If something doesn’t read correctly, toggle to that timestamp in the show so that you can listen in on what was actually being said!
[00:00:00] Hi Ashley. My name is Heather and I have three kids two boys and a girl, eight, six, and three, and they love candy at Halloween, all of the holidays. One thing that I. Really battle is how much candy to let them have on the day of the holiday, like Halloween. And then how many, like, how much candy to have in the days following.
[00:00:27] I was wondering if you could give me some guidance on like how much to let them have on Halloween and then how to taper it off after the holiday. I get annoyed. Because they want the candy all the time, and I want them to enjoy it, but I want to approach it in a, in a gracious and a loving way. Thank you for all that you do.
[00:00:50] I really enjoy your podcast and I'm looking forward to hearing from you. Thank you. Hi, Ashley, it's Heather again. I was thinking about my question that I'd asked you a little bit ago, and just to clarify, I. Wanting some guidance on just how to allow my kids to enjoy candy and sweets at Halloween. But I just wanted some recommendations and some guidance on how to work together with my kids to decide how much candy they can have and.
[00:01:29] How much to limit them, Like how much, like how much should I be letting them have so that how and and limit so that we are both happy. So I'm not stressed. They're not stressed. I was just wanting some guidance on that. I hope that helps clarify. Thank you so much. Heather, thank you so much for your question.
[00:01:51] I think you phrased this and worded this and expressed this so beautifully and so clearly, and I think it's a struggle that so many parents are facing, and so I'm really glad to hear it specifically from you so that I can go through it. And this is gonna be a heavy packed episode for sure, because there's just so much ground to cover here, and I wanna make sure that we get through as much as possible.
[00:02:12] That's why I'm gonna go ahead and break this question into two different episodes, because today we are going to cover. Some of the words that stand out to me as I hear this mom's question as I hear her talking about wanting to work with her kids, and yet the battle and the struggle and the annoyance, it feels like it often is.
[00:02:31] I hear this mom talking about a desire for kind of black and white thinking that how much just gimme an amount that says two pieces is okay, and yet that discernment that comes, that creates that confidence for us as. That feeding our kids is not black and white. Our kids appetites at their different ages and stages and with their different feeding temperaments is not always clear and straightforward in what that recommendation is.
[00:02:56] Especially in and around holidays like Halloween where there's a lot of different factors playing in. But I know, and what I hear from this mom is Heather saying that she doesn't wanna be stressed and she doesn't want her kids to be stressed. And that is so important because as we all get into the episode today, we wanna talk about how our feeding approach helps us and helps our kids, and together helps our family to be on the same page about things.
[00:03:23] Regulating how much sugar our kids are going to consume and making that something that's not an annoyance and a trigger and an Achilles heel for us at this time of year, but instead, something that we can team up with them on, we can partner with them on, and we can work together with them on so that we're equipping them as kids, and yet we're still feeling confident and equipped as.
[00:03:45] That we are taking a proactive role in raising kids who have a healthy relationship with food.
[00:03:54] Hey Mama. I'm Ashley and welcome to the Veggies and Virtue Podcast. In this podcast, you will find simple menu ideas, kitchen organizational systems spelled out for mom life, and feeding tips and tricks that are both evidence based in grace. I believe that you can find flexibility when it comes to feeding your family so that you can feel calm, capable, and connected in the kitchen.
[00:04:13] As a registered dietician and Christian mom of three myself, I want you to break free from the mealtime battles and to feel equipped while feeding your kids all day long. Pull up a stool at my kitchen counter and let me pour you a cup of coffee and say a quick prayer for you. It's time to chat about the meal times, messes moments, and ministry of motherhood.
[00:04:35] When we look at Halloween, it's such a carefree holiday for kids. There is not often the same, you know, formality that some of the other big holidays have. When we think of like Thanksgiving and Christmas, you know, there's a lot more put on your Sundays best and dress up to go to grandma's house and smile for pictures kind of thing.
[00:04:53] Here kids are in costume and they're getting to collect candy and they're often running around outside among neighbors and friends and it's a really. Lighthearted holiday. The challenge becomes parents don't feel that we're either concerned about their safety, whether it be is because they're trick or treating out at night, or you know, stranger danger potential or different, you know, concerns with the candy even if your child doesn't have allergies.
[00:05:16] Just safety in general with choking hazard or where all of our moms. Brains can go in terms of things being mixed in with candy that wouldn't be safe for our kids and things like that, and we have so much more stress. Then as Christians, we do have an element of how do we celebrate a holiday like Halloween.
[00:05:32] As I mentioned, that's not something I've gotten into on the show this year. It might be something that I handle in upcoming Halloween years, but it is something that is very debated within the church, and so we're wrestling with a lot of different aspects of how do we celebrate this holiday and if and how we celebrate it just as much as we are.
[00:05:51] How much candy we let our kids. And if and what candy do we let our kids have? And so it can be one that, as moms we do really stress about. And as parents we do have a lot of internal conflict and wrestling with how to handle. But then you add to that this layer of kids feeling innocent and free and having so much fun, and us as adults, thinking very rationally and logically and practically about the safety concerns, the spiritual component, and then also the amount of sugar that they could be consuming via all the Halloween candy.
[00:06:25] And so, as I already had mentioned in former episodes about the behavioral impact or lack thereof with sugar, What I want us to recognize today is the clashing of priorities that can happen and how we really do need to look at how can we team up with our kids. So that we are fostering a healthy relationship with all foods, including candy for them.
[00:06:48] Because really at the root is that conflict. Kids being in this like excited, jovial state on Halloween and us as moms not wanting to come in as the bear of bad news, who's just the fun killer and says, You can only have this much candy. But we wanna feel like we're able to be alongside them and enjoy this holiday in the way that they enjoy it, but also set some boundaries so that we feel like as a.
[00:07:12] We are acting in our kids' best interest. However, with so many areas of parenting, what I know to be true, and I'm sure what you've seen is when we're unsure and when we aren't clear on how to approach a challenging situation, that's most often when the conflict arises. Whether it be a child who's protesting sleep, and we don't have an approach on how we're handling these sleep regressions, or it might just be the annoyance of we know it's time to buckle up our kids and getting them in the car seat is a huge hurdle every day.
[00:07:43] So often the annoyance that we face in parenthood is because we're not confident and what approach we're gonna use and our child sees that little lapse in confide. And begins to push those buttons, not intentionally, but because they're a child and that's their job. Their job is to test the limits and to see where is there a clearly defined boundary and where is my parent acting with confide.
[00:08:05] In their approach so that I'm not gonna push a button and I'm not gonna push past this. They know what is in my best interest, and I can find comfort and security in that because it's very clear to them. And thus it's very clear to me as the child. And so I want this mom and all moms in this situation to think about if you feel annoyed about candy.
[00:08:26] Is it because you often lack the confidence in how you want to handle it, and so knowing that your child, as this mom mentioned, is going to want it all the time and is going to be asking for it often, if you as the parent first and foremost, have not decided how you're going to approach it within your family, and then you haven't defined those, With your kids, it's going to be really triggering each and every time the request for candy comes up.
[00:08:53] So what I want you to work through and find yourself walking away with from today's episode is what I would call and what the research often refers to as a responsive feeding approach when it comes to Halloween candy. because what we're going to do is always come back to what our feeding roles are, what are our roles in the feeding relationship?
[00:09:14] And oftentimes the hiccups that happen in feeding are because we've confused these roles. So if we look at a responsive feeding approach, it's gonna acknowledge that every family is a little different. Children's feeding temperaments are different. Their ages and dietary needs might be different. You know, I know this mom specifically said her kids are eight, six, and three.
[00:09:32] So very similar to where my kids are and how we might have approached things with that oldest firstborn child when they were the only one in the house might have been different, particularly in the need to limit added sugars in younger children and to be that much more cautious of choking hazard.
[00:09:47] When say that child was only two. However, with an eight, six, and a three year old, this family most likely finds themself in a different scenario. Now, because the three year old has most likely, not necessarily for sure, but most likely been exposed to more sweetss and treats, is out in, you know, participating in the Halloween festivities more so than you know, that first born was at their age because they're going.
[00:10:11] We are going along with the family activities and things like that. So we need to look at our feeding roles and how we can keep them consistent and as something I talk about extensively within meal, Times's made easy method are what do these feeding roles look like, particularly in this case, what do they look like when it comes to how we handle Halloween candy?
[00:10:32] Because so often, We want to just be black and white thinkers about Halloween and how it ought to go, rather than teaming up with our child to help them tune into their bodies, their cravings, their needs, and their desires. So what we're gonna look at today is what are those roles? Within your family's feeding relationship, and how does it dictate how much candy your child gets in the days leading up to Halloween, the day of Halloween, and en tapering off the cat, Andy, in the days to follow.
[00:11:01] So what I'm going to do is I'm going to break up this conversation so that in today's episode you can have a clear understanding about what your role in the feeding relationship is. This is going to help you understand how you can eliminate some of those conflicts and you can overcome some of that insecurity or that annoyance that as parents, we often feel because our kids consistently keep asking for more candy.
[00:11:24] And so today I want you to understand the different approaches that you can take and the pros and cons within each. And then on Wednesday episode, make sure that you're turning back in because I'm going to give you an action plan for Halloween day and the days thereafter so you understand what I do.
[00:11:39] How I approach Halloween in and of itself, and then how I also would encourage you to begin tapering off the amount of candy that you're including in the diet in a way that it's a non-issue and you've teamed up with your kids so that you're in tune with what they consider enough, but so that you're also aware of and consistent with what a recommended amount of added sugar will be moving forward after h.
[00:12:04] So I wanna give a little comparison real quick before we walk through actually kind of what my recommendations would be in the days leading up to the day of, in the days following Halloween. And that's because if we compare and contrast a responsive feeding approach, which as I share it being a division of responsibility, we're being responsive to our kids and what, when and where they're eating.
[00:12:25] And in this case, eating Halloween candy. It's not a black and. Right, wrong, very defined limits. Instead, you need to be tuning in, as I already mentioned. However, when we compare and contrast this to other feeding approaches, we see different pros and cons that can happen. Like I mentioned at the beginning with some of that conflict, and I walk through each of these feeding styles in depth within meal times made easy, but just to give you a kind of a quick snapshot so you can see maybe which ones you may have a more natural bend to and some of the challenges that come with it.
[00:12:54] Oftentimes there can be parents who feel that if. are more strict with when Halloween candy would be allowed, and they use it more as a reward token. And so it might be you get to have Halloween candy after you finish your dinner, or it might just be a really tight fist around it. So it's a very highly dictated fading relationship that the, the trust and the control is divided.
[00:13:18] Because what happens is the parent does not trust the child to be able to control or to self. From what has been offered. So in the case of candy and an authoritarian feeding relationship, what we see is the parent might feel the need to really restrict that might be limiting the amount that might be bribing, that might be pressuring other foods in exchange for the more preferred foods like candy.
[00:13:42] Or it might be doing things like using candy as the reward or as the bargaining chip in the feeding relationship. And this can cause a lot of challenges in the feeding relationship between parent and child, but also in fostering these habits for our child, because we're saying we don't trust you. We do not believe that you know how to control your intake and your self-regulation of candy.
[00:14:02] And what that can do is that can breed a lot of insecurity and uncertainty of how much candy do they have. So to this mom's question of how much candy can they have, we wanna look at the drawbacks of something like an authoritarian feeding approach. Because if we have a really tight fist on how much candy our child can have, then when we're not there, what do we expect our child to?
[00:14:22] they're not going to have that self-efficacy to understand how to self-regulate and how to eat within the bounds of what feels good to their body, but also just overall what's part of a healthy diet. Countering this to the other end of the spectrum, we look at a permissive feeding approach, and that might be the parent who says, It's fine.
[00:14:40] You can have anything you want. Really, whenever you. Candy all day, breakfast, lunch, dinner, whatever you wanna do. So often families either don't know what to do, so they default to this, or parents are just too exhausted to even engage in the potential battle over candy. So when a ca, when a child does come about asking for candy all day long, rather than productively and proactively approaching this in the way that aligns with our intended feeding approach, we just kind of give up and we just toss in the towel and we say, Fine.
[00:15:10] Yeah, you can have another. I just don't even have it in me to get in an argument with you about this. And so then Candy becomes kind of part of that grazing mentality where instead of having routine and structure in the feeding relationship, our child's forming also in, you know, in an opposite way from the authoritarian feeding approach, they're also creating unhealthy feeding habits.
[00:15:31] Because they aren't in tune with hunger and fullness, they're just grazing so much so that they're not ever truly aware how hungry or how full they are and where certain foods, particularly like candy in this case, fall. So where I want you to see is how the responsive feeding roles fits into this so that you can see some of the stakes that we have when we don't approach h.
[00:15:54] In this way.
[00:15:59] It has been a joy having you on podcast today, and if you've enjoyed it as well, I have a quick favor to ask. Do you mind hopping over to Apple Podcast and leaving me a written review? This will only take you a hot second. But it truly blesses me every time I get to read one of you right over there, and it allows me to bless others through this podcast and the episodes to come.
[00:16:18] The other thing that you can do is to take a screenshot of this episode and tag me over on Instagram at Veggies and Virtue. I would love to see what action steps that you're taking from this episode, and also to support your family in the journey moving forward. Until next time, thanks for coming over to chat at My Kitchen.
[00:16:35] Remember that you'll always have a seat and a snack waiting for you here.