87 // How to not get stuck in a rut
3 Things We Must Do to Move Forward
For the thousands of you who joined this year's Muffin Club, you know that we are now at the end. It's over. And for many of you, I know that can feel disappointing or like all "good" momentum will be lost amidst the holiday hustle, change of routines, and New Year.
But in today's episode, I want to encourage you to see the end here as the beginning as we talk about:
Identifying the root of a problem
Adapting when our attempts aren't effective
Accepting help when it is offered and available
This episode is going to leave you with a visual you likely find yourself stuck in often. But by the end, you will see how to overcome any bump in the road with little physical disruption or emotional frustration.
SHOWNOTES:
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Find out more about Mealtimes Made Easy Method here.
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Listen to this episode of The Veggies & Virtue Podcast now!
Full Episode Transcription
Please note this a raw transcription. If something doesn’t read correctly, toggle to that timestamp in the show so that you can listen in on what was actually being said!
[00:00:00] Every time he transitions from our driveway into the garage, there's like two little lips in the concrete where it's not completely level, like it's not a seamless flow from driveway to garage, but there's two little bumps he has to get over and to any of us standing back looking and even to my daughter's, I don't ever remember this happening with them when they were still on a bike and training wheels, but he, if he doesn't have enough momentum, he rides up to the garage.
[00:00:30] and he gets stuck, but one wheel gets in the garage and one wheel stays on the driveway and he keeps pedaling and he pedals harder and harder and harder. And he doesn't go anywhere because what's happened is the wheels are stuck in a way that he can pedal as hard as he wants, but the. Doesn't move.
[00:00:57] Hey mama. I'm Ashley and welcome to the Veggies and Virtue Podcast. In this podcast you'll find simple menu ideas, kitchen organizational systems spelled out for mom life, and feeding tips and tricks that are both evidence-based in grace Lace. I believe that you can find flexibility when it comes to feeding your family so that you can feel calm, capable, and connected in the kitchen.
[00:01:16] As a registered dietician and Christian mom of three myself, I want you to break free from the mealtime battles and to feel equipped while feeding your kids all day long. Pull up a stool at my kitchen counter and let me pour you a cup of coffee and say a quick prayer for you. It's time to chat about the meal times, messes moments, and ministry of motherhood.
[00:01:37] All right, if you listened into last week's, You know that we have officially hit the end of Muffin Club. The final recipe went out Friday morning. And so whatever point in the journey that you joined, you had access to all six of those recipes and their family favorites for fall and winter. And I hope that you and your family enjoyed them.
[00:01:57] However, I know that for so many of us, we can try this new thing and it's great, right? Like we enjoy it. And then at some point the program ends or the club stop. Or the class is over and then we hit this bump in the road where it's like things were good. And as we talked about last week, and I was encouraging anyone who you know had done Muffin Club to reflect on what it was about Muffin Club, that was really helpful for you and really functional for your family in terms of developing those skills and setting up those systems and implementing those strategies to helping your family eat a little bit.
[00:02:38] He. . But what I know is with the end of Muffin Club, we can almost feel like it's the end of the road. And that thing, whatever it was that worked well, or whatever it was that you reflected on liking about it or learning from it, or leveraging within Muffin Club has now stopped. But as I encourage you to do last week and as I wanna dive into a little bit deeper today, I really want you to see Muffin Club not as me sending you a weekly muffin recipe while in and of itself that is what it was.
[00:03:15] But instead as we move into a new year, and obviously the next couple weeks for everyone will be really busy and completely out of our normal routine for most of us, I want you to see that it really does help set us up as a starting place for the new. . So no matter what happens over the next couple weeks, no matter how off your family's way of eating is, or whether you're home or away, or whatever it might be, I know that the reality is that a lot of us are going to at some point find herself at home after the holidays and we're gonna be exhausted, and it's gonna be really, really hard to return to this place that we maybe feel at right now.
[00:04:02] pre-holiday as Muffin Club just ended, where we're like, wow, okay. We just did this thing. We did it, and that was really doable and whatever. Again, go back and listen to episode 86 if you're not sure what I'm talking about, but reflect on what those things were that worked for you, because that's how you're going to know how to pick back up the momentum once you hit a bit bump in the road, like the holidays and routines being a little bit.
[00:04:32] So an example I wanted to share with you, which I don't know why this has been such an important visual to me, and I've had it written down for a while in terms of trying to kind of think about if and where it would fit as an example for an upcoming episode. And I think it really does fit here because this visual that I have seen often and maybe some of you have found yourself in with your child and Owen is still in training wheels, you know, Is most precious around here, but he also is very, very, very slow to try new things.
[00:05:06] And so one of the things that he refuses to have any interest in is taking the training, his wheel training wheels off his bike, which is totally fine. He's, you know, newly for, he's rocking his bike, he enjoys it. It's everything like that. But the challenge that he runs into with these training, That my two girls who don't have training wheels on their bike don't run into is that every time he transitions from our driveway into the garage, there's like two little lips in the concrete where it's not completely level, like it's not a seamless flow from driveway to garage, but there's two little bumps he has to get over and to any of us standing back looking and even to my daughter.
[00:05:46] I don't ever remember this happening with them when they were still on a bike in training wheels. But he, if he doesn't have enough momentum, he rides up to the garage and he gets stuck. But one wheel gets in the garage and one wheel stays on the driveway, and he keeps pedaling and he pedals harder and harder and harder.
[00:06:07] And he doesn't go anywhere because what's happened is the wheels. are stuck in a way that he can pedal as hard as he wants, but the bike doesn't move. And the reason I want to bring this example up because man, I, I almost wish every one of you has seen your child get stuck in this situation because the visual, I think, is so representative of other things we find ourselves facing.
[00:06:35] And one, I think about how, for Owen, if he keeps pedaling like that when he's. he, he will keep spinning his wheels, but he will exhaust himself in doing so, and he will get nowhere. He will not be able to get into the desired destination of the garage. He will just spin his wheels and he will find himself exhausted.
[00:06:56] The other thing I have seen often with him is that he will exacerbate himself because he will get so frustrated that he's working so hard and getting nowhere, that he becomes embitter. about even riding his bike. So before we hit that little blip between the driveway and the garage, he's totally fine.
[00:07:16] He's enjoying his bike ride. He's content with being in his training wheels and it's working for him. But as soon as he hits that bump in the road, he doesn't always know how to respond. And so what I want us to do in today's episode is if you can take a step back and you can see this moment, right. as that moment between Muffin Club and a new year as that blip, that little bump, that we may not have enough momentum to carry ourself over without noticing.
[00:07:49] We may, I mean, some of you're like, who cares? No big deal. I'm rocking it and I'm fine. But you're probably someone who isn't leaning on those training wheels quite as much. But if you're someone who still feels like you're still. Really trusting in those training wheels to help support you, to help teach you the strategies, to help show you the systems, to help you develop the skills to pedal past some of those bumps that happen in life.
[00:08:15] You need to take a minute because what I don't want you to do is to just start pedaling faster and harder when you feel stuck, because you're gonna exhaust yourself and you are going to fall, pray. to that February syndrome of New Year's resolutions already being surrendered and forgotten because you're already exhausted, because you've been spinning your wheels trying to do the same thing and wondering why it's not working.
[00:08:43] And then you're going to be feel that exacerbation. You're going to feel that em bitterment that you even tried the thing, whatever it was. So instead, I want you to ask yourself, how do you start and how do you keep momentum without getting. Because if you were someone who learned something or loved something, or were able to leverage something from Muffin Club and you felt like you started getting in a good groove and your feet were able to pedal at a sustainable pace, and it did create some rhythms to your routine, I am so happy because that is the epitome of what I would hope for from you.
[00:09:23] But even more as we hit this bump and this bridge between. that smooth flat ground of me providing you with those emails each week and you know, kind of dosing out the amount of information or inspiration that you may have enjoyed. Then we hit the whirlwind of the holidays and then the new year is gonna have a whole lot of other.
[00:09:48] Opportunities for us. So I want you to think through three things that I see as being ways that Owen responds to this hurdle. He responds to this bump in the road and he responds. That depending on his response, does depend how he gets over it. And while he, of course is four and doesn't necessarily like take a hot minute to reflect on this and to observe this as the mom and the more mature one, stepping back and seeing how he responds to these situations, I can see how the outcome is impacted.
[00:10:24] And so I really wanna encourage you with that as. Just preparing yourself for that bump. You can see that bump coming. You can see this bridge, that transition time between we have, you know, two weeks until the new year and you're going to be transitioning from the driveway to the garage. And how are you going to feel and how are you going to get over that bump?
[00:10:43] And I think it relies on these three things. The first thing is when Owen sees that bump or he sees that transition coming, or even once he's hit it, that's often too late, but if he catches it in advance or if he catches it right as soon as he starts to hit it, Such as you might find yourself doing now two weeks ahead of the new year as you enter the thick of the holiday season.
[00:11:07] I've seen that Owen recognizes that he has to identify, is this. I often tell my kids, is this a problem you have or is this a problem your equipment has? Because so often my kids will get really exacerbated and frustrated because they'll misidentify the problem and they'll say, I can't do this. Yes, but they're using a broken piece of equipment or they'll say, this is my, you know, stupid bike.
[00:11:38] When really they need to push their legs and pedal in a certain way that the bike has no fault. They need to overcome this problem themselves and with Owen if he can identify the problem. There are times, especially with a bike with training wheels, that the training wheels get kind of janky and they're kind of messed up and there's legitimately a problem with the.
[00:11:59] But when he can pause and identify again, going into this problem is even better because then he can build up that momentum and that strength to pedal with enough force to get over the bump. But oftentimes, once he hits that bump, he has to identify where the problem is, because if he blames it on the bike, he'll do what I already explained and he'll pedal harder and he'll spin his wheels and he'll get exhausted and he'll become really exacerbated.
[00:12:25] But if he can identify, this is a problem that I can overcome, this is not something that has to do with the tools that I'm using. This has to do with the skillsets that I need, then I can overcome this. And so for him, when he identifies the proper problem in how he goes about, Overcoming that little transition, he gets over it.
[00:12:47] It's like he'd never even gets stuck in it. And I think for you, if you are misidentifying the problem that you're facing with feeding your child and you're blaming it on something that really is not at the root of. where the problem is coming from. You're going to get stuck. You're going to get stuck when routines are off, when there's no rhythm in in life because it's the holidays and companies in town, or you're outta town and the foods are different and the schedule is different and kids are off school and bedtime and sleep and everything is off.
[00:13:20] then you're going to find yourself stuck. But if that's where you find yourself, take a minute to identify what is the problem so that you know how to overcome the problem. Because the second thing I noticed with Owen is he has to know how to adapt because if he adapts early enough, he can get over that bump, no problem.
[00:13:45] And sometimes we don't even notice that it. Sometimes he just rides straight into the garage and it's not an issue. Sometimes he observes it in advance and he knows that the adaptation is him saying, mom, can you help me? And then I'm right there, and he never gets stuck because the support hits at exactly the right time that he gets over it with barely any notice.
[00:14:06] Other times, he knows he needs to start pedaling harder and faster with enough lead. to get over it. Other times he does get stuck and he has to not only identify the problem properly, but he has to say, how am I going to adapt to this? Because doing the same thing by pedaling his feet faster and harder and exhausting himself by spinning his wheels, but getting nowhere is not an adaptation because I could very easily say that, oh yeah, we had a great bike ride.
[00:14:36] But then as soon as we got home, the wheels fell. But it's not an unexpected problem. We know that the problem is there. We know right now for us as moms, there is a potential problem, right with where we are As wonderful and joy filled, as I hope and pray this season is for you and your family, just as I am clinging to for my family.
[00:14:54] This is not an unexpected problem and we don't need to have the wheels fall off because we lost that momentum or we didn't look for that lead time to be successful. Instead, we have to look at how are we going to. because we know that it's coming. It is an expected time of year and as we enter the New year, and as naturally, majority of us are likely thinking of resolutions and thinking of ways that we want to, you know, shape our family's new year and healthy habits for 2023, we have to take a minute and ask ourselves, how are we going to adapt?
[00:15:28] How are we going to adapt from where we are here today in the upcoming weeks when things are different? And more importantly, how are we going to adapt? into what we envision for the upcoming year. After the holidays have passed, kids get back into their rhythms and routines and we establish what that new normal is.
[00:15:47] The third and final thing that I notice with Owen is that sometimes he does have to accept help. I mentioned this with sometimes he will preemptively ask for a. And I can give it to him, and it becomes a very seamless process for both of us because he knows he's not gonna get stuck, but sometimes he is stuck and he spins his wheels, he exhausts himself, he exacerbates himself, and he hasn't done those first two things of identifying the problem or adapting to the situation.
[00:16:18] And he has to accept help because he's stuck and he hasn't done those first two things so much so that he will pedal harder. becomes so frustrating that he's not getting anywhere that he has to accept my help because he is mentally just not even in a place to problem solve or to push himself in a way that's going to get past this.
[00:16:45] And so sometimes he does have to accept that help, and I've, I've been in that position with him several times so that these three things stand out to me as very. And sometimes that's what we need. Sometimes we need someone else who can see our struggle and who can see these scenarios that we find ourself in and who can help us take a step back and evaluate how we overcome them.
[00:17:09] And that's why, as I've seen, and I've walked through with many families before, as I've done Muffin Club, muffin Club feels like you get into a good groove and you all of a sudden when it's over. Can see yourself hitting a bump. And sometimes it aligns with the holidays the way it does right now, but I think even if it, you're listening to this episode and it's not the middle of December and we're not approaching Christmas and New Year's and things like that, you can still look at any time you have gained some good momentum and you've started to do something that feels like a right.
[00:17:49] and then you hit a bump in the road, whatever that bump in the road may be, I want you to ask yourself, how are you going to get over it? Because again, to recap, what you need to do is you need to identify where the problem lies. You need to decide how you're going to adapt to get over it, and you need to know if it's a matter of accepting.
[00:18:15] Sometimes that's reaching out to an expert like me to say, I've kind of gotten myself stuck. There's no shame in that. Just as I love my child and I'm ex I am, I'm not gonna say excited, and I'm honored to get to help him overcome this and then get to have the vantage point of how to identify the problem and adapt differently next time.
[00:18:36] It is an honor and as a privilege, as a health practitioner to get to come alongside. And help them when they find themselves stuck. And that's one of the reasons why in a couple weeks from now, once the holidays settle and we do begin to get back in those rhythms and routine. I want to help you see what that next starting place is.
[00:18:56] What is that place? That's the garage for that next service that you've gotten from get having good momentum, you've hit a bump, you've overcome it, whether you've overcome it on your own or with my assistant. I really want you on my free workshop because it's going to give you a very clear picture of what that starting place is for the next year so that you can get back.
[00:19:19] To pedaling with some stability and with a sustainable stride that can overcome some of those bumps in the road, that naturally will happen in the upcoming year. So to sign up, make sure that you go to veggies and virtue.com/workshop, the free one hour workshop. You'll get all the information here. But I would love to have you join me so that no matter what bumps in the road you find.
[00:19:44] Sing in the upcoming weeks that you're ready to hit the ground. Ready three.
