54 // 4 Things I Have Learned From Feeding My Four-Year-Old
4 Things I Have Learned From Feeding My Four-Year-Old
It's easy to say what it will be like as a parent...when you aren't yet a parent.
But now, four years into being a mom of three kids, I am taking a quick minute to reflect on four key things I have realized as we move into our "oldest youngest's" 4th birthday. As we celebrate Owen this week, I open up about how our season as a family is finally changing, how my capacity feels like it is finally expanding again for things like letting my kids back in the kitchen again, and how the systems we have set up since Owen was born have legit saved my sanity and helped me to be more consistent in meeting our family's feeding goals.
Come join me for some real-life mom talk, including real-life interruptions.
Listen to this episode of The Veggies & Virtue Podcast now!
Full Episode Transcription
Please note this a raw transcription. If something doesn’t read correctly, toggle to that timestamp in the show so that you can listen in on what was actually being said!
[00:00:00] Hey friend, today, we are going to talk about a little more personal of an episode as I reflect on Owen's fourth birthday this week. And, you know, I think it's funny because any of us can relate that before we were parents. It's really easy to assume what we would do and how we would be as parents when we get to that point.
[00:00:16] And then once we become parents and actually have real life human children. And we realize a lot of those things that we thought we would do just right, or a certain way. Don't exactly pan out that way. And so it's always funny to reflect back on that, but also with each child with Owen being my third and our youngest child, there's been so many things that I've just learned about through feeding him.
[00:00:35] And I thought it might be fun as kind of an emotional tribute for me to his fourth birthday, but also hopefully a helpful reflection for you. I want to celebrate his fourth birthday this week with sharing four things that I've learned from feeding.
[00:00:52] Hey, mama, I'm Ashley, and welcome to the veggies and virtue podcast. In this podcast, you will find simple menu ideas, kitchen, organizational systems, spelled out for mom life and feeding tips and tricks that are both evidence based. And grace lace. I believe that you can find flexibility when it comes to feeding your family so that you can feel calm, capable, and connected in the kitchen.
[00:01:10] As a registered dietician and Christian mom of three myself, I want you to break free from the mealtime battles and to feel equipped while feeding your kids all day long, pull up a stool at my kitchen counter. And let me pour you a cup of coffee and say a quick prayer for you. It's time to chat about the meal times messes moments and ministry of motherhood.
[00:01:31] Before we jump into this episode, I wanted to go ahead and read a sweet review that I got from hot pumpkin, 57 over on apple podcast. She said such a helpful podcast for new moms. I send this podcast to so many new mom, friends that struggle like me in learning to feed our littles. So glad I have this faith-filled resource to help me in the most challenging part of my motherhood.
[00:01:54] And hop. I wish that I knew maybe someone can tell me I'm not that tech savvy, believe it or not, but hop pumpkin 57. I'm gonna find out who you are and send you a free set of my PDF combination cards. For those of you that have been listening over the last few weeks, you know, that I am offering free combination cards to any of those of you who leave me a review on apple podcast.
[00:02:15] This truly blesses me when I get to read these, not just from an encouragement perspective while it does. To the ends degree and in ways that I can't even quantify it also helps my podcast reach more moms like this sweet mom and the new mom friends that she's so generous to share the show with. If you jump over to apple podcast, and if you send me a screenshot after you leave it, then I can automatically just email you over some of the combination cards.
[00:02:38] But until my meal time's made easy method goes live. I want to just offer those to you as a thank you for leaving me a podcast review and hot pumpkin 57. If you beat me to connecting, please reach out to me, ashley@veggiesinvertwo.com and I would love to send you. A free set of those just as a little, thank you for leaving me such a sweet review, but jumping into the episode, I wanted to share four things that I've learned from feeding Owen.
[00:03:04] If you've been around for a while, you know, Owen is my third, our youngest child. He's our only boy. I have two older girls and Owen and he, by the time of this airing will have just turned four and it's just wild. We've never had our, you. Before, you know, the girls were always two and the next one was born.
[00:03:21] And so we always had babies or at least, you know, as busy toddler would say tab in the house. And so it's just very surreal for my youngest to be four. And we, I mean, everyone who knows Owen just adores him. And so he is the sweetest little thing. And as I could go on and on as his mom about him, I want to stick to the feeding perspective today, just to hopefully offer you guys some perspective.
[00:03:44] into some of the things that I've learned. I think, you know, Instagram and social media and only getting little snippets of people, life can sometimes paint a picture of what our reality looks like when we all know that's not necessarily the full scope. So I just wanted to share four things that kind of came to mind as I prayed over and pondered what it's been like as a mom, but also as a dietician to feed Owen over the last four years.
[00:04:07] So to go ahead and dive in the first thing. that I've been reflecting a lot on lately is the concept of seasons. Because one, this is something that I outline in depth in my meal times made easy method, because I know so many of you are coming to me with feeding challenges and different seasons. Some of you may be pregnant and expecting another kid, but have a picky eater at home.
[00:04:28] And just on the struggle bus there, some of you may be starting solids and really zealous and eager to set your kids up with the right feeding foundation. Or maybe you didn't with your. You know, first or second child, but now with your second or third, you want to do it quote unquote, right. And things like that.
[00:04:44] Some of you are just maxed out and you're like, I don't wanna totally drop the ball, but I also have zero capacity to like really care. And so I just need you to give me an easy win, and I just keep reflecting on so many of these families that I work with and kind of what I would. Look at as a profile.
[00:05:00] And I think to my own family's life and the seasons that we have been in and the seasons as a mom, the seasons of being a first time, new mom with Claire, you know, now eight plus years ago. And the season that we're in with Owen, as I mentioned with him being the oldest youngest child that we've ever had.
[00:05:17] And I know that when we were in the thick of it with breastfeeding and babies and toddlers and, you know, kids and diapers and things like that, people used to always say, It would get easier. And I honestly didn't know if that was true, especially when there were some really hard and really dark seasons for myself and also for our family.
[00:05:34] But now I start to feel like I can see the seasons are truly shifting. I don't feel like we're in this. Long winter. And I don't even feel like we're in spring anymore. And again, if you take my mealtime made easy method, that'll be released later on in September. You will know what I'm talking about, but now I feel like we're in this summer season where it is just really sweet.
[00:05:55] And I don't mean physically summer because you know, this is airing at the end of August. But just this sweet season where I just feel like we're in a season where I have more capacity and that'll jump me into my second point, which is capacity. I think we can think of seasons in a lot of different ways, obviously just.
[00:06:14] The basics of calendar years and things like that. But what I really like thinking about is what season people are in and what season I found myself in, in terms of like where my capacity is. And I think of the seasons where when I got to breastfeed Owen, which is something I didn't get to do with the girls that was such a sweet season and how I felt like it did give me so much capacity that I didn't have when I exclusively pumped.
[00:06:36] And yet that season, when I was in really thick, postpartum anxiety, And I had very little capacity for anything. I mean, even play dates, put me into a panic attack. And so I, you know, had to wean breastfeeding earlier than I think I would've had my anxiety. Not. You know, just as subjected to breastfeeding the hormonal influxes and things like that.
[00:06:55] But then I think of the seasons of, if you followed me for a long time, you know, with Owen, he had really bad eczema as an infant, and we chased that around and around and did a million different tests and analyses to try and kind of figure out the root of it and how to help him. And I think of the seasons where I felt like I, my entire capacity was spent.
[00:07:12] Trying to just help his face, not be on fire. And just, there were so many seasons where I felt like I had zero capacity. And then I look at this season now where he's four and all of a sudden we have actually moved the learning tower, that big, giant kitchen stool thing, you know, that people have. We've had that in my kitchen since we moved into this house over seven years ago.
[00:07:32] And I told my husband, I was like, it's probably more sentimental to. Then our rocking chair in the nursery, because I just, there's so many sweet memories and, you know, spillt foods and eggs accidentally cracked and just things spilled on it over the years. But it's so sweet. But I think about the capacity where there were seasons, where I cooked a lot with my first born, just she and I, when I had the capacity.
[00:07:52] And then there were seasons where, you know, I had Claire and Brooke and they were, you know, two and four and we were going through a lot of personal issues and my. Had passed. And then I was pregnant with Owen and I just felt like I had zero capacity. And then, you know, there was the seasons that were really dark and difficult with postpartum hormones and issues there.
[00:08:13] And the capacity just wasn't there. And I remember holding this guilt that I didn't cook with my kids. When here I am a pediatric dietician. And like, this is what I say to do. And now as I like genuinely get excited to have my kids in the kitchen, It's just such a breath of fresh air. And honestly, it's like really, really deeply personal to me because I think of the seasons that I didn't have the capacity and it really hurt it made those hard seasons even harder because I felt like I couldn't, I didn't even have the capacity to do basic things.
[00:08:40] And to me as a pediatric dietician, having my kids in the kitchen felt like it should have been a basic thing and it just wasn't. And yet now I feel like we're moving into a season where I have capacity. to invite my kids in and I have the bandwidth and my fuse is not so short that I'm like, I just can't.
[00:08:54] I just can't. And now I have that capacity. And so again, these are not like super tactile. Takeaways from feeding him. But I think thinking of the first thing being seasons and the second thing piggybacking right off of that being capacity is huge because for the last four years, I would've said that like the season we were in and the capacity that I had was so different than where I like find myself kind of arriving at now as we celebrate his fourth birthday.
[00:09:22] And again, I'm eight plus years into motherhood. And so I just wanted to share that because I think that. Well, I know that a lot of you moms are in the thick of it. I know a lot of you are in those seasons where you feel like you haven't come up for air yet. I know that some of you and many of you feel like you have such little capacity, you may not even have school-aged kids.
[00:09:43] So even as we move into a, a physical season of back to school, you may be if at best only getting a couple hours a week, still that your kids are out of the home or that you have structured childcare or something. And I know that your capacity may feel really. And so me sharing really aspirational things that you could do with your kids or ways that you could feed your kids and, you know, raise your family with the right feeding foundation and stuff.
[00:10:05] You just don't feel like you're in that season and you don't feel like you have the capacity. And so I just wanna honor that and acknowledge that. And. Just bring it up in my own life. So, you know, like my perspective on where I come at this from, and I'm gonna have to pause because the good old yard crew loves coming at nap time.
[00:10:22] Oh my heavens goodness guys. I swear. Sometimes I think I should just cut all this out. And then sometimes I wonder if it's helpful to be relatable because I'm like, you know, we're in the middle of summer when I'm recording this. And I only have one hour of quiet time that my kids are down. God bless them.
[00:10:39] Our yard crew comes at quiet time every week and I'm like, man, I really need to remember to readjust quiet time on the days that they come. Because for some reason it often is when I'm trying to record. And then it's like, you know, a leaf blower right outside my office window. So anyways, that gets me perfectly into my third reflection from feeding Owen and that.
[00:11:00] I could quickly lose my sanity and I don't know how many of you moms feel like that, but with one and then two and then three kids. And even when I had to stop for the lawn crew, just now, you know, Owen's not napping right now, he's in quiet time and we've done quiet time consistently for all my kids, even when they start phasing out of napping, which is, you know, the other transition in season that we're in is you know, officially dropping naps for all three of my kids, which is kind of sad, but that's another episode for another.
[00:11:27] But my point in bringing this up, and the third thing that I've realized is how much I need systems, because the number of times I just say to my kids, guys, please just, just give me a minute because my brain cannot think right now. I don't even know how many times I say that because my husband jokes, what a common phrase, it's come become to say all the things.
[00:11:48] And if you start listening for it, you realize that everyone says all the things and I'm like, it's because moms are always trying to think of all the things. And I feel like my brain. Always going 57 directions. And so one of the things that I've learned in feeding Owen that I have to have are systems because so often people say, oh, organizational mom goals with your fridge or your pantry or things like that.
[00:12:11] I'm like, look, I should not be your mom goals, but the systems I have in place may ones that will help save your sanity. Because as someone who I do get really triggered by auditory input and like my brain just sometimes shuts down. The kids are super loud. The dog is barking, the yard crew's outside, Amazon's dropping something off.
[00:12:30] So now the dog is really going crazy. And I just, I just can't and I'm like, oh my gosh, my brain is in shut down survival mode for a hot second. And so to orchestrate this five man circus, and God knows like, I only have three kids. I know plenty of moms and probably plenty of you have more kids than I do.
[00:12:47] And you're probably like, huh. Three is easy. I have way more kids than that and way more to coordinate, but it's just one where for me, what I've learned is I have to have systems, especially as our pace of life continues to pick up, you know, there was obviously that forced shutdown and that like temporary slow pace of life that we all experienced during the.
[00:13:08] But what I've realized since having Owen is that I really have to have these systems in place in order to be able to function as the mom and you know, the matriarch of my household. And so while so often I don't feel organized what I do know that I both need, and that I'm also thankful that now we have adopted enough so that like, it is pretty routine and it doesn't take a lot of mental energy for me to implement and reinforce the systems that we have in.
[00:13:37] I just realized that I, I have to use them. I have to use those systems to save my sanity on a day to day basis. But also because it helps me be successful with the health goals that I know I have for my family. But if I was relying exclusively on my mental capacity, which feels. Oh, so little these days, I, I just wouldn't be able to reach those goals.
[00:13:56] And so I share this in the first phase of my mealtime made easy method. I walk you through all four steps that I encourage families to go through when it comes to resetting your home and setting up these systems that you can just continue to maintain. And the more you just practice them, the more they become habitual.
[00:14:12] So that to the outside world it'll look like, oh, wow, look at this. And it's like, no, no, this literally just helps me function. And so not having. Think about how to function, just having to do it helps me out a lot, but I don't think I realized that when we were either in a different season or when I had different capacities and maybe didn't need those systems, you know, a lot of these systems that I use from my DIY dinner bins to my snack drawers, to just the way I meal prep and meal plan and things has evolved so much since we had O.
[00:14:43] I think because the demands of life of having three kids, you know, four and under, and then a pandemic kidding and homeschooling and all the different dynamics that happened. I just realized I had to have systems in place to selfishly protect my sanity, but from a nutritional gatekeeper perspective, just to help my family be successful with the health goals that we had.
[00:15:03] And so with that, my fourth and final. I feel like I'm on edge. Cause I can hear that yard crew code keep coming, but I'm like, there's only 20 minutes. We've gotta be able to get through this without them coming back again. Hopefully. So God bless them. They are in the Houston heat right now, so, huh. But anyways, what I wanna say for my fourth and final thing with feeding Owen is how important I realize it to be, to be consistent in my feeding role and my feeding perspective, because I remember it made me really uncomfortable and insecure with my girls.
[00:15:36] They ate so little. And I remember thinking they ate like a bird or often I would say, like, they ate like a snake because I swear they would like eat a ton of something when they really liked it. And then I felt like they would go days with like barely eating and I'm like, they just eat such a little volume.
[00:15:48] And even as a dietician, it was just like unsettling. And yet with Owen, he's always had a large appetite and he's, you know, not to like stereotype boys versus girls, but you know, like even as an infant, I remember him eating twice as much as the girls. And so I think the fact that their food preferences and their personalities and their temperaments at the table are also different.
[00:16:08] It helps me be really thankful that I do have the perspective on my role in the feeding relationship and their role in the feeding relationship so that it. Gotten confused for me, or I haven't felt this need to constantly like cater to one kid and then it's at the expense of another, or because I'm, you know, pandering to this one child's request or trying to get them to.
[00:16:29] You know, it's inadvertently backfiring with this kid or it's setting a bad example for that kid. And I just, I see that happen a lot with families. And I'm thankful that one of the things I've learned in feeding Owen is that consistency in how I approach feeding has saved me so much mental stress, but also just physical exhaustion of making separate meals and doing things differently.
[00:16:50] I just, I can get in a flow and as a mom of three, that's one of the things that I have found to. Most helpful is just when the things that at once felt hard, don't feel hard anymore. And so much of that is because we do get those systems in place and we consistently work at them and reinforce them and continue to just.
[00:17:12] You can't see my hand right now, but I'm just going around and around and around. It's just the repetition. And I talk about this so much in the middle times made easy method. The whole, I mean, if you look at the logo, it's a circle with four parts in it. And when you take the course, you're going to understand why that is because so much of it is the repetition and the routine and the consistency of just rotating through those habits that we want to have for creating a healthy feeding found.
[00:17:37] But we have to be consistent with them, but that takes practice. I'm eight years in and four years in with Owen. And some of these things still feel like they're just starting to click for me. So I don't know if this is helpful for you or not, but I just wanted to share, it was kind of a fun time to just take a hot minute to reflect myself.
[00:17:53] And I was hoping that it might also just speak some encouragement to you in whatever season you're in, wherever your capacity's. Whatever systems you may or may not have or hope to someday have, or regardless, or whether or not you feel like you're consistent in your feeding role or not. I want you to know that I'm here for you.
[00:18:11] I am so humbled and thankful to get to come alongside you in this journey today, especially, it felt like you were at my kitchen counter and we were drinking some cold coffee together as the yard guys were outside. And my youngest was not napping, but it's also so sweet to get to share in life milestones with you, the big moments, the little moments.
[00:18:29] All the moments in between. And obviously of course, the meal times and the ministry that we both get to share in as moms watching our kids grow older and getting to take part in that process. So thanks so much for trusting me as a resource in your family's life. And thanks so much for being a friend and.
[00:18:46] Just a faithful listener to me as I share bits and pieces of my family's journey as well. We are off to have a Spider-Man birthday party this weekend, so wish us luck. And I will see you back here next week.
