40 // My kid wants a snack before bed...but they barely touched their dinner!
My kid wants a snack before bed...
but they barely touched their dinner! What do I do?
Bedtime snacks are a particularly confusing time to feed our children. Because as parents, we all want our kids to just sleep through the night and not wake up complaining of hunger at any ungodly hour of night. However, when we put the time and energy into fixing a balanced dinner, and our kids don't eat it, it can feel so counter-productive to then offer a snack after what was otherwise "the final meal of the day."
Listen in to this episode where I answer a mom's voice memo asking me about just this. How should you handle it? Is it on a case-by-case basis or as a consistent part of your meal plan? How do you get in this habit WITHOUT creating new, bad habits as a result of a bedtime snack?
We cover all this and more about kids, bedtime snacks, and establishing a clear, consistent approach to feeding your family on this episode.
Listen to this episode of The Veggies & Virtue Podcast now!
Full Episode Transcription
Please note this a raw transcription. If something doesn’t read correctly, toggle to that timestamp in the show so that you can listen in on what was actually being said!
[00:00:00] In this episode, a mom has reached out to asked me about how to handle bedtime snacks, particularly in the situation when her kids want to eat a snack after dinner, but they didn't even touch their dinner. I'm sure all of us have been in this boat and it can be really aggravating as a mom when you've planned and prepared a dinner that you know is nutritionally balanced for your kids.
[00:00:22] They don't need it. And then an hour or two later, they want something else before bed. And how do we handle that? All of us want our kids to sleep so that we can get some sleep too. We don't want anyone waking up hungry in the middle of the night or too early in the morning. And yet sometimes how to handle a bedtime snack is a really tricky situation for families when they're trying to set up a consistent.
[00:00:45] Routine and flexible and yet clear boundaries around what the feeding relationship is and what the feeding roles in that relationship are. So today's episode, we are gonna dive right into that. Hey mama, I'm Ashley, and welcome to the veggies and virtue podcast. In this podcast, you will find simple menu ideas, kitchen, organizational systems, spelled out for mom life and feeding tips and tricks that are both evidence based and grace laced.
[00:01:13] I believe that you can find flexibility when it comes to feeding your family so that you can feel calm, capable, and connected in the kitchen. As a registered dietician and Christian mom of three myself, I want you to break free from the mealtime battles. And to feel equipped while feeding your kids all day long, pull up a stool at my kitchen counter.
[00:01:29] And let me pour you a cup of coffee and say a quick prayer for you. It's time to chat about the meal times, messes moments and ministry of motherhood.
[00:01:39] Thank you so much for your amazing podcast. I love it. And I've been listening to it so much and helping it's been so helpful in feeding my family of seven. I've been making meal plans for every day and sticking to those. As well as having more of a structured sit down meal time, it's been really helpful to know that my toddler should be able to sit in her chair by herself and not want to sit in our laps as well as just using all the techniques that you've given.
[00:02:07] And any of your guests have given too. On your podcast. I am wondering when it is appropriate to offer kids a snack before bedtime or an after dinner snack, even my kids sometimes won't eat any food at dinner, even though I've made a dinner that they. Would like, or there's something on their plate that they definitely have eaten and enjoyed before or on multiple occasions.
[00:02:30] And yet when it comes time for snack after an hour and a half to two hours after dinner, they're all for and want whatever's for snack. However, they didn't eat any of their food on their plate for dinner. Is this something that. Snack should be every night. And just on the meal plan or is this something that is a case by case basis?
[00:02:49] I'm just wondering how to handle these situations. When I make food and nobody eats it yet, they'll have dessert or snack later. So I love this mom's question because especially as we get into summer and the sun is out so much later and whether your kids know how to tell time or not. I know my kids, particularly my youngest who can't tell time yet, you know, always wonders why he's going to bed when the sun is still up.
[00:03:14] And this can often create more opportunities for a bedtime snack, whether it be because your children are having an actually delayed bedtime during the summer when the sun is up for longer, or if. You know, just a general question that seems to come up based off what your dinnertime routine is and bedtime routine is year round.
[00:03:34] And the reason I think that this mom really spelled this out for us in a great way is because her question also included three factors that I think you need to think of, if you're wondering whether or not you should include a bedtime snack for your family. So to kind of break down some of the data that this mom gave.
[00:03:55] In terms of her processing of whether or not a bedtime snack was an appropriate decision was first, she fully understood what her role was at dinner. She understood what went. And where was her role in the feeding relationship of. What was being offered. And so for dinner, she had mentioned that she had prepared a dinner and she had included Love it like it in learning at food.
[00:04:18] So she knew that this was a meal that there were as preferred options at. They had things available to eat. She also recognized when she knew that it had already been an hour and a half between dinner and a potential bedtime snack. And so she knew a general gist of kind of the span that we want there to be between a between two eating opportunities.
[00:04:37] But in this case, between dinner. and a potential bedtime snack. And lastly, she understood that there was some matter of consistency and whether this is actually where the meal happens and you know, dinner I'm assuming is happening, you know, either at the table or wherever it might be happening, but also a bedtime.
[00:04:55] Snack, you know, she mentioned, is this a case by case thing, which would kind of indicate that it might be well where you are might dictate if, and whether you actually offer a bedtime snack, but she also recognized that this could be a part of every night's meal plan in which case it's happening most likely in your kitchen every night, pretty consistently.
[00:05:13] And so I love that the mom had an understanding of what her job was, but where kind of the internal conflict and where I could hear her wrestling was was that. They barely touched their dinner and yet then they were still totally up for bedtime snack. And I know as a parent myself, and I could hear this in her questioning of, you know, my kids want this snack before bed, but they barely touch their dinner.
[00:05:41] And so I love that. She knows what her role is. I love that she knows. What aspects of presenting feeding opportunities to her kids that she knows she does have control over being what food is offered when food is offered and where food is offered. But I think with all of us, myself, very much included.
[00:05:58] We feel that internal wrestling, when our child's role being if and how much they eat when they choose that and they have control over that and they maybe choose to barely touch dinner, even when we know elements are being offered, that they prefer. that just doesn't make sense sometimes. And so I want us to highlight some of the considerations that you should have if you are considering whether or not a bedtime snack is appropriate for you.
[00:06:26] Not. in attempts to control. What is something your is your child's job to control being if and how much they eat at dinner or at bedtime snack, but what is within the scope of your job and what is fitting and appropriate for your role of deciding what, when and where food is offered, whether it be at dinner and or at a bedtime snack.
[00:06:48] so first some considerations that you want to have, and some reasons why I often hear from families that they're even considering a bedtime snack would be things like oftentimes as families transition into a division of responsibility and their child's eating more of their meals and snacks with the family.
[00:07:06] And, you know, they're out of infancy and they're not having as many bottle feedings or, you know, intentional night feedings, a huge concern that comes up and a huge motivation often. For introducing a bedtime snack is because a child might be actually night waking. And that would be like waking up in the middle of the night, saying that they're hungry.
[00:07:24] Or that the parent just has extreme anxiety, that they might sleep. I hear a lot of parents saying I just wanna sleep. And I just want my baby to sleep. Like, that's really at the core of it. I need sleep. They need sleep. I don't wanna deal with them waking up. And if that's you, whether your child has actually been night waking or you just preemptively wanna get ahead of it and make sure that that's not something that's happening in the season, you're in, you may choose that a bedtime stack makes sense for your family.
[00:07:52] Additionally, so. Children who will wake up really early and wake up complaining of being hungry at let's say like five or six or ahead of when you would want them to necessarily wake up or you'd be intending to be offering them breakfast. You know, some families do have their kids waking up early if they need to get out the door for childcare, whatnot.
[00:08:09] But this is one where this is a premature wakeup. That seems primarily compel. Buy hunger. And the first thing outta your kid's mouth in the morning is that they're hungry. So that might be an indication that you need to offer them a little something before they go to bed as well. Additionally, if you know that dinner time is about an hour and a half to two hours before bedtime.
[00:08:32] So let's say your family eats at like five o'clock. But your kids go to bed at like seven or seven 30. Well, there's a window there. And so, you know, even from the end of dinner, let's say five 30 to seven or seven 30 that's an hour and a half to two hours. And so you'd wanna see that that's, that is a span that a child may develop true feelings of hunger in just based off the, the time that passes between dinner and when they're going to.
[00:09:00] Additionally, if your child does need to gain some extra weight, say they've either had a recent illness and lost some weight or you know, that you're trying to help promote some catch growth. Again, some children are just meant to be more petite. Builds. So not all children who, you know, sit, let's say under, or are under the fifth percentile on the growth curve, need to gain weight.
[00:09:22] However, if for medical reasons or whatever reasons, you know, you've worked out with either a dietician that you work with or your child's pediatrician or healthcare team, you've decided that they need to be gaining weight. It may be one that you decide that you just begin offering a bedtime snack because here, if you're offering a really high calorie snack, It's not gonna be displacing their appetite for the.
[00:09:47] Meal or snack to come because they're going to bed. And so there's considerable more time at night for them to digest that and for them to process that. And so their appetite can still return in the morning versus say, if you offer that as an afternoon, snack, like a really high calorie milkshake or something like that.
[00:10:04] And I don't say milkshake, meaning it has to be like an ice cream base, but you know, high calorie. Shakes tend to be a really common food in families who are trying to promote weight gain and doing it as a bedtime snack is kind of an endcap to the day is less likely to displace that child's appetite in this food intake during the day.
[00:10:22] So that might be another consideration of why you're thinking, you know, maybe we should out of bedtime snack. So we just have one additional eating opportunity to help promote the amount of calories and nutrition that my child can get in, in a. If you find that your family is, let's say new to using a responsive feeding approach, and just starting to kind of implement this division of responsibility and pressure free approach to feeding, and you maybe feel tempted to bribe or coerce or force your child to eat more at dinner.
[00:10:50] You may want to include a bedtime snack because you know, you can be more consistent in your feeding role of what, when and where food is offered, because you know that there's another eating opportunity being the bedtime snack. With a space after dinner. And so sometimes what I see for families is that that can be a better approach from a feeding styles perspective, because you're not getting into these habits of trying to coerce your kid to eat more at dinner, because you don't want them to wake up prematurely or in the middle of the night hungry.
[00:11:22] And so you just know if you offer dinner. And they, whether or not they choose to eat it, you know, that there's one more eating opportunity before the end of the day that they will have an opportunity to fill their tummies if and so they so choose. And so for some families that can be a really effective approach.
[00:11:42] So, if any of those align with kind of where you're at and some of the things that you've been processing of, I wonder if this is a reason to consider a bedtime stack, I would say that often they are, but I want you to think through the concepts that we talked about before that this mom had already.
[00:12:01] Evaluated from the dinner time perspective being what, when and where that dinner meal was being offered so that we can also think about that in the context of a bedtime snack. Because when we think about what, when and where a bedtime snack is offered, this can be really complimentary to our family's feeding approach.
[00:12:19] This can be a really positive part of your child developing really healthy eating habits and your family developing a really healthy relationship with food. Both at dinner and before bed, if, and when it's done appropriately, bedtime snacks can be a very confusing time of day though, because for some of the men, the reasons I mentioned, sometimes we just do it kind of off the cuff because our kid didn't eat dinner.
[00:12:46] And then we do have that parent fear of, oh my gosh, they're gonna wake up in the middle of the night. No, one's gonna get good sleep. I just want them to sleep fine. Have the bag of woo fish crackers before you go up to bed. You know, or, you know, you're brushing their teeth and they complain of being hungry.
[00:12:59] And then you kind of feel like you have to just in the moment kind of like reactively, let them have that snack. However, I caution you because if your child is deciding what that bedtime snack is, When that bedtime snack is or where that bedtime snack is, chances are, you are not using it as productively and proactively as you need to be.
[00:13:21] And so what I want you to walk away with from today's episode is to know that what, when and where a bedtime snack is offered is up to you as the parent. If your child chooses. Not to eat it or not to eat very much of it, that is up to them. But the consistency of the eating opportunity in terms of what went and where is up to you.
[00:13:41] So in terms of thinking through what bedtime snacks to offer, one of the best quotes I've heard on bedtime snacks comes from Ellen Satter, who's the creator or the division of responsibility of feeding. And she has the whole Ellen Satter Institute. And y'all have probably heard me mention her numerous times because she's.
[00:13:57] A tremendous resource in our field, but she has said make it something filling, but not thrilling. And I love that because even when I'm feeding my own kids, you know, of course there's a place at night to where having milk and cookies or on occasionally we'll have a bowl of ice cream or we'll have something that like my kids would consider is just more thrilling than say carrots and hummus.
[00:14:21] you know, it's just, it's just the nature of it. That it is a little more fun and that's okay for sometimes the bedtime snacks to. Be a little bit more thrilling, but from a consistency basis, when, you know, as this mom mentioned, should this be a case by case basis or should this be something that we just do every night and include it on the meal plan?
[00:14:38] And if you feel that for your family, that a bedtime snack might be appropriate, I would encourage you to try offering something that is filling, but not thrilling. And really what that boils down to. Again, we wanna be neutral in the way that we look at all foods. So we don't wanna be elevate. That ice cream after dinner as any more thrilling of a snack than those carrots and hummus.
[00:15:01] However, when we look at what's filling and not thrilling, we wanna go back to the basics of what I've shared about several times being protein, fat, and fiber. Especially if you have a child that you're worried about the night waking or you know, that, you know, is't a growth spurt or that is waking up early.
[00:15:18] My son's in that phase right now where it's like, right when he wakes. He wants to eat something. And a lot of that is because he doesn't eat a lot at dinner, but we don't have a big enough window to also be offering a bedtime snack most nights. And so what I would do in this case is offer something with more protein, fat, and or fiber.
[00:15:35] So in terms of what to offer for a bedtime snack, some really easy options that are going to be filling, but not super thrilling are things like you could do yogurt and fruit or put granola on that. That's gonna give you some protein, fat, and fiber. You could do like homemade trail mixes or put like dry Cheerios in there too with dried fruit and nuts, you know, depending on what your child's able to have from a choking perspective, you know, make sure to not offer whole nuts.
[00:16:01] If that's of concern, you could also do something like crackers and cheese or a peanut butter and banana, or a piece of toast. All of those things are going to be filling, but not extremely thrilling. And outside of the neutrality with food here, we also wanna be thinking. We don't want this to be so much more exciting than dinner that if our child is already kind of apathetic towards what's being offered at dinner, that they're willing to just hold out for that bedtime snack, because they know they like bedtime snacks more than they like dinner.
[00:16:31] And so if you see this happening, I would encourage you to be kind of switching up what you're doing. Some families, I know they offer a banana. Every night, if you're hungry before bed, you can have a banana, that's your option, but that's literally the only thing they do every night. It might be a yogurt.
[00:16:44] It might be that you make the same green smoothie every night or peanut butter banana shake or whatever, you know, you want to do. If you want it to be really consistent and predictable for your kids. If it seems like they're kind of holding out to be like, well, I wonder what bedtime snack might be tonight, so I'm not going to eat dinner.
[00:17:01] So that's really another reason why we don't want it to be too thrilling. However, when we think about. When this is being offered, you also wanna make sure that there's a big enough gap that your child, if they are truly hungry at dinner, I will say it's very common for dinner to be kids. Worst meal of the day.
[00:17:18] I hear this again and again, and again, working with families, even with my own kids, dinner tends to be their poorest. Meal of the day. And I can do another episode on that, but just know if your child truly does not, you know, they get to decide if and how much they eat at dinner, and if they choose not to eat, you know, give them ample time to cultivate feelings of true hunger before bedtime snack.
[00:17:40] Rather than that bedtime snack being available 20 minutes after dinner, there's just not enough break there. So you wanna make sure when you are offering a bedtime snack, there is enough. That you know, your child has some time that they have to kind of process those feelings of, I didn't eat at dinner.
[00:17:56] I might be feeling increased hunger. There will be another eating opportunity, but it's far enough out that if I can't wait until that bedtime snack, that reinforces that I should be eating at dinner. And then additionally, you wanna think about where you're doing this. Ideally, we're not offering snacks in our kids' bed.
[00:18:14] I know, you know, especially as our kids get a little bit older, we can kind of be like transitioning them off of maybe milk in a bottle in their room or things like that. And so. when we're looking at, is this an every night versus a case by case basis? There are times, especially in summer, you know, we just got off swim team season here at my house and the meets were late at night.
[00:18:33] And so sometimes it was a case by case basis that my kids were having a bedtime snack after their swim meet. On the way home. And that, in terms of like where it was happening was much more variable. But if you're in a season of life where, where your bedtime routine, you know, now we're back at home, we don't have swim meets and everything.
[00:18:50] So bedtime is pretty much the same routine every night, in which case I would want where that bedtime stack happens to be equally consistent, because something as wonderful and, you know, valuable as let's say, popcorn in a movie before bed and. There is a thrill factor to that. There is a pull to it that that is gonna make kids more excited about popcorn in a movie than let's say a banana and peanut butter at the kitchen table.
[00:19:15] And so, again, it's okay for on occasion it to be a case by case basis that. You know, you're having ice cream here or a snack on the way home here from, you know, something that kept you out later than usual. But I would say when you're coming up with a plan, it is appropriate to think about, is this something that you want to be included on your nightly plan, going back to some of the factors that we've considered.
[00:19:37] So to recap, some of the reasons why you may want to consider a bedtime snack is if first and foremost, there is an actual time gap. If there is, you know, upwards of an hour or more. Closer to even like an hour and a half to two hours after dinner, you may wanna be considering a bedtime snack.
[00:19:54] Additionally, if you have either worries and concerns that your child might night wake and you think it might just kind of help put your mama heart at ease, then you might want to do it. Additionally, you might do it because your child actually is waking up at night and you see that as a real need that they need to fill their tummy a little bit more before.
[00:20:13] Additionally, if your child's waking up early with the complaint of feeling hungry, you may wanna trial out a bedtime snack, see how it goes for your family. See if it kind of helps with either, like I said, the night waking or the early morning waking, and additionally, if your child needs to gain weight and you need to find a place where you can add some calories without it interrupting their appetite during the rest of the.
[00:20:35] and finally, the fifth reason I would suggest here is if you know, in your own feeding style, it would help support you to feel less stressed to get your kids, to eat quote unquote at dinner. If there was another eating opportunity before bed, then try it out. Take that pressure off dinner and schedule. at bedtime snack where, you know, it'll be consistently offered.
[00:20:59] You get to decide what, when and where that bedtime snack is offered and see if and how it changes some of the dynamics at dinner for both your child, but also for you in feeding them. If say dinner is not typically one of their better meals and you may feel like you have to. Kind of backpedal and revert to some feeding practices that we don't wanna be promoting, like coercing them to eat more before bed kind of thing.
[00:21:22] So those would be the top five signs I say are valid points for considering a bedtime snack. You can you know, it doesn't have to be the same every night of the week. You can look at your schedule and again, you get to decide what, when and where. So if it is the night that it's offered, make sure that you're offering it regardless of if weather and how much your child ate at dinner.
[00:21:45] This is not a I'm offering a bedtime snack because I know they didn't eat dinner. This is a I'm offering bedtime snack to give them another opportunity to eat before bed at seven 30, before we go up and brush our teeth. And this is just part of our routine and so own that. Make sure that when you're communicating this to your kid, it's not, well, we're gonna have a bedtime snack because you didn't eat dinner because that can really negatively reinforce.
[00:22:11] If you don't eat dinner, I'll give you something else later. So instead be really consistent. And when they get up from the table, you can continue to reiterate those messages that we talk about being, does your tummy feel full until we have bedtime snack? So they know there will be another eating opportunity after dinner, but it's also not 20 minutes.
[00:22:30] Once they get up from the table, it is a set time, a set place and a set menu that you have already pre determin. So, if you feel like one of those five reasons applies for your family, give it a try, but be really consistent and check in with what kinda language you're using when positioning it to your child, that, Hey, this is a thing we're gonna start doing.
[00:22:48] We will start having a bedtime snack consistently and see if it helps in some of those other areas that we talked about as valid reasons for introducing a ed time. If this is helpful to you, I would love to hear from you. You are welcome to always leave me a message similar to what this mom left me. If you have questions of your own that you want me to cover on an upcoming episode, I would love to hear from you.
[00:23:11] All you need to do is go to www.veggiesandvirtue.com/ask. Hyphen Ashley and the little button for a voice memo will be right there and it'll send it over to me so I can hear your message and hopefully get it slated for an upcoming episode to answer your question and help you in making meal prep, meal, planning and meal times.
[00:23:35] Easier for you and your family.
[00:23:41] It has been a joy having you on podcast today. And if you've enjoyed it as well, I have a quick favor to ask. Do you mind hopping over to apple podcast and leaving me a written review? This will only take you a hot second. But it truly blesses me every time I get to read one of you right over there. And it allows me to bless others through this podcast and the episodes to come.
[00:24:01] The other thing that you can do is to take a screenshot of this episode and tag me over on Instagram at veggies and virtue, I would love to see what action steps that you're taking from this episode, and also to support your family in the journey moving forward until next time. Thanks for coming over to chat at my kitchen counter.
[00:24:17] Remember that you will always have a seat and a snack waiting for you here.
