28 // [Part II] My child wants more of ABC…but they haven’t eaten any of XYZ?
[Part II] My child wants more of ABC…but they haven’t eaten any of XYZ?
The only THREE scenarios I advise limiting seconds – as a dietitian mom of three picky eaters.
If you listened to part I in this three-part series, you might be thinking I have lost my mind.
Not limiting our kids from having more seems so counter-intuitive at times, especially when they aren’t even touching the other things being offered.
As a mom, I understand this and have felt your frustration first hand more times than I can count. But as a dietitian, I also know the impact of having a positive and pressure-free feeding environment on raising kids who truly are amazing eaters…in their due time.
So in this episode, we are going to review when it is okay to say no to seconds. There are three main reasons you might find yourself needing to limit extra helpings, and I want to review each of these so you feel empowered and equipped when the answer really does need to be, “no.”
However, with each of these situations, I compare and contrast how the message you are reinforcing isn’t one of pressure or restriction, but rather of values like learning manners, money-management, and mindfulness with their body’s response to food.
This is a must-listen episode for any parent who struggles with how to respond when their child asks, “Can I have seconds of ABC?” (even when they haven’t eaten any of XYZ).
Listen to this episode of The Veggies & Virtue Podcast now!
Full Episode Transcription
Please note this a raw transcription. If something doesn’t read correctly, toggle to that timestamp in the show so that you can listen in on what was actually being said!
[00:00:00] Hey, and welcome back. If you listen to part one of this three-part series, I know you might be thinking I have lost my mind because not limiting our kids from having more often seems really counterintuitive, especially as parents. And we can feel like when they're not even touching a given food or even trying something else that's been offered.
[00:00:22] Why would we let them indulge on this love at food and have more of their love at foods when they haven't even paid any interest to their, like it or learning at foods as a mom, I understand this. I have felt the frustration of this with my three kids more times than I can count. But as a dietician, I also know that the impact of having a positive and pressure-free feeding environment on raising kids who are truly amazing.
[00:00:46] And their due time is possible. So that's why in this episode, I want us to review when it is okay to say no to seconds. And it boils down to three main reasons that you might find yourself needing to limit. So I want to walk you through this so that you can feel empowered and equipped when the answer does need to be known.
[00:01:06] And I also want you to compare and contrast what we talk about in this episode to what we talked about in the part one episode, so that you know, the messages that you are reinforcing. Aren't ones of pressure or restriction, but instead are reinforcing values like manners, money management, and mindfulness for your child, with their body and your, their body's response to food.
[00:01:28] So this episode is a must listen for any parent who struggles with how to respond to.
[00:01:38] Hey, mama. I'm Ashley, and welcome to the veggies and virtue podcast. In this podcast, you will find simple menu ideas, kitchen, organizational systems, spelled out for mom life and feeding tips and tricks that are both evidence-based and Gracie. I believe that you can find flexibility when it comes to feeding your family so that you can feel calm, capable, and connected in the kitchen as a registered dietician and Christian mom of three myself, and want you to break free from the mealtime battles and to feel equipped while feeding your kids all day long, pull up a stool at my kitchen counter.
[00:02:06] And let me pour you a cup of coffee and say a quick prayer for you. It's time to chat about the mealtime messes moments and ministry of motherhood.
[00:02:18] In part one of this three part series, we talked about the three things that I highly, highly, highly encourage you as the. Not to do when your child asks for seconds, we talked about the ways that this can erode trust in the feeding relationship for you and your child together, as well as with you and for your child independently.
[00:02:39] And so I encourage you. If you have not listened to part one yet, go back, listen to the last episode on part one about three things that you need to stop doing in order to help shape your child's eating habits for. In this part series, we're going to jump into the three things that you can do. And three valid reasons as an adult and as a parent and as the nutritional gatekeeper that you may say no to seconds.
[00:03:05] So I want us to get into what are three situations that do make it okay for us to limit these given foods that our kids might eat. And so the three reasons you might say seconds are not available or appropriate at this time. Would be because they're simply not available. You may just simply not have enough of this.
[00:03:26] If this child wanted more noodles before say maybe dad had gotten home from work and you were saving some for him, it is absolutely appropriate to say that's all the noodles we have available tonight. Let's have some of the other foods available if you're still hungry. So they see that there's plenty of other things available if you're still hungry, but that given food, there isn't any.
[00:03:49] This often happens in families with things like noodles, bread, rolls, fruit, shredded cheese. If it's a topping and the kid kind of only wants to eat the shredded cheese. And so it is absolutely okay. If there's only a given amount available to limit the number of servings they're able to have. If you find yourself in this situation often say with the example of sticking to noodle, If every time you serve noodles, you find yourself coming up short that your kid continues to want more.
[00:04:19] That can inadvertently be a form of restriction because you may have the clues that time after time, your child wants more noodles or wants more shredded cheese or wants more rolls, but you've already restricted. While only everyone only gets one role or everyone only gets one serving of. And it's one thing, if that's within your family's food budget and that's really all that you can make of a given food, particularly if it's a more expensive food, which we'll get into in a minute, but make sure that you're tuning into how much do we normally eat at this?
[00:04:49] How much does it normally take of this given food to satisfy each of our family members? An example I often think about is those little Brazilian cheese rolls. We have those on salad bar night here, and you know, like a serving size on the package or something is like, So I think when I initially started serving them, I was like, all right, I'll make 15 for our family effects.
[00:05:08] Well, that was just never enough. It was like, all the kids were at war over then everyone wanted more. And I think now I don't even know how many I make, cause my daughter honestly normally puts them on the tray and, and does them, but we really make at least 30 because it's just one of those that I realized I was inadvertently restricting the number of rules.
[00:05:27] I was letting my kids. Even though at the table, I wasn't intentionally restricting them. I wasn't modifying our meal to make sure to fill my family the way that I knew that they would be satisfied with. And so, because we had the availability that I could make more. I just had to tune into that. That's something I want you to think about.
[00:05:47] So if you repeatedly see a given food and there's not enough of it, consider how it works for your family, if you have the resources to do so to make more of that given food so that you're not restricting it. So if it is available, So sure you can have seconds if it isn't available, say we don't have more of that available today, but there's other options if you're still hungry and those are probably the, like it or the learning at foods for them.
[00:06:11] And if they're still hungry, they're welcome to eat from those. But with this, I want you to think of the limiting here or the allowance of more here is reinforcing manners. It is not limiting or restricting for the intent of trying to get them to eat the other. This really boils down to availability, limited availability and making sure that we're being mindful, that everyone gets enough of whatever amount we have available.
[00:06:37] This is just the basic of making sure other people have had a chance to be served. Other people are having chances to get seconds before maybe a given child has thirds. This promotes the conversation and communication at the table of what anyone else likes some or before I have the last batch of. Did everyone else get some cheese before I have more and just reinforcing manners through this concept, the next concept would be expense.
[00:07:03] There are some foods like raspberries, for example, that I know each of my kids could eat easily eat an entire pint of in one sitting. So if I'm prepared to put out three pints worth at a given meal for my kids, that's great. But if they continue to want more. We may not have more, even three pints worth of raspberries would be rather expensive.
[00:07:25] And so there are times that maybe it's just one pint for all three of the kids and they have to share that. And I know that that is not enough of the raspberries for them, but if I'm paying $4 for a pint, let's say it may be one where I have to say, y'all, this is all that we have right now. Next time we go to the store, we'll get more, but you all need to share this.
[00:07:46] For right now. So, you know, your family's food budget best, you know what works. And obviously there's a lot of ways to get around this. And I have another episode talking about how to stretch your food dollar with food specifically like berries. But in this example, I want you to know it is okay to limit seconds or limit additional servings of Lovett.
[00:08:04] If it's related to the expense of the food, and it's just not within the food budget for them to be able to eat the entire pint of strawberries or the entire container of whatever it might be. If it's one that you have to kind of ration either across kids or across family. Or across the week, so that you have enough of the food for the duration that you need it with your family's food budget.
[00:08:29] And this really reinforces the concept of money management. We want to teach our kids that food costs money, especially right now, when it's even more expensive, we want to reinforce to them that we are trying to help teach them to be good stewards of their resources. This is a value of our families and that there are times that we will have to say no to things simply because it's too.
[00:08:50] Or it's not on the list for the week. It's not in the food budget right now. And if they want more of something, we just have to simply say, that's all of this that we have right now. There's other foods available. Sometimes you can reinforce the money concept. Sometimes that's all you need to say. So their child just knows certain foods are more expensive and they're going to be more limited, even if they're ones we really enjoy.
[00:09:12] So that is a valid reason to need to limit additional servings of. Again, going back to intent. You see that the intent here is not to re unnecessarily restrict because you feel comfortable with your child having an abundance of that food. You're not trying to pressure them to eat a different, like good or learning it food in order to get more of a love at food.
[00:09:35] And you're not using that as a bribery tool. This is simply based on the economics of food, how expensive it is. We all as adults, well, understand this. And we can equip our kids from an early age to understand food costs, money, and we want to enjoy the food that we have. And sometimes it does help you enjoy food more.
[00:09:56] When you know that it's a little more expensive. So it's not something that you get every day that automatically kind of reinforces the foods that we eat more or less often, we always have bananas at my house. That's because they're very inexpensive and very. I would love to have endless amounts of berries, but I know that already we're spending.
[00:10:15] A lot of money on very easy tweak and that's with how much I'm already permitting my kids to eat it. So it's okay to show them. We have to have variety. And in that variety, we find ways to fit our family's food budget and to make our food dollar cover a wide range of foods and where we choose to spend our money.
[00:10:35] And this is a great conversation to have with your kids because as parents, we can often get into. You know, don't I frustrates me when you don't eat your food because I'm just throwing money in the trash. And so we can often approach this from a really like negative tone, which as a parent, I have been there.
[00:10:53] I have done this too. So no judgment here, but we can often try and shape our kids' eating habits and understanding of money and money management and the cost of food. In that light, but we don't see how we can proactively also help perpetuate variety and. You know, make sure that our kids are eating a variety of foods and, you know, maybe have seconds of some foods and not other foods simply because of not only availability, but the cost and the expense associated with such foods, but we can walk them through how this looks as an adult to kind of manage some of the things.
[00:11:30] When we go to the grocery store, we can help engage them in that process of why we. A certain brand of this versus this. Why are we shopping certain things on sale? Why do we say no certain times to things then? Yes. At other times, and this is a great conversation to begin involving your kids in, especially as they get older and understand things like numbers and costs and money in these different concepts that we're teaching, we can teach it in a really positive and proactive way that helps reinforce the feeding relations.
[00:12:00] Rather than eroding the feeding relationship, because we feel like we need to, you know, default to restriction or limiting or things like that. So use this not as a shortcoming for your family, but to use this as an opportunity for your family to talk about your food, but to talk about the foods that you choose to buy with your food budget.
[00:12:21] I think some of the most impactful lessons for me as a little kid were, I remember specifically going to the grocery. With my dad and I wanted Kraft Mac and cheese, and he told me why we bought the store brand and he taught me how to look up unit price. And I mean, I was not even in the middle of elementary school at this point.
[00:12:39] And I still remember him teaching me that. But, you know, at shortly thereafter, I also remember when I would raise funds for canned food drives at school. And I very quickly learned how to shop around for foods because I knew how I could spend the money that people had donated for a food drive to get the most food possible based off calculating unit price.
[00:13:00] And that was a very valuable lesson for me later when my mom was a single mom, I remember her saying we are not going to spend our money. On X, Y, Z foods. There just was not room in the food budget, but she taught me and she showed me how to prioritize the really nutrient dense foods that she saw value in and that our family valued and that now as an adult and who's making my own purchasing decisions, values spending my own money on, there was a value in, we don't go buy, you know, fast food, this or soft drinks at a gas station, or, you know, any and every little.
[00:13:36] Kind of snack or treat out and about based off the financial resources, we have, these things are the things that we spend our money on. And I developed a huge sense of where my food dollars are going to go so that when I was in grad school, on my own and had $35 a week to spend on groceries, as, you know, a grad student.
[00:13:56] I understood. Where is my money going to go? What is most important to me on where I send this money? And I share this just because I think in the minutiae and the immediacy of the everyday, especially when our kids are a little. We forget the skills that we're cultivating in them and these things that we are reinforcing.
[00:14:18] So just as there's behaviors that we want to avoid, like I mentioned, in part one, there's also behaviors that we want to just continue to foster and shepherd in our kids so that they, as they grow older and they go to serve other people and things like a food driver as they grow into being independent adolescents and adults, and go off to grad school and have to know how to manage their own money just as we want to equip them with.
[00:14:42] Dynamics that we talked about in part one about like food freedom and having this competency that even with abundance and permission to eat whatever, and any love food that they want. They have that discernment, that it's a non-issue and they have that food freedom and equally. So I would love for our kids to know how to be good stewards of their resources as they go older.
[00:15:06] And I think it's important that we utilize food and our food budget and the economics of feeding a family from this early age to really reinforce these positive messages for money, man. Lastly, it is a valid reason to limit your child from having more of a love at food or from having seconds or thirds of something.
[00:15:28] If you know that they're going to have an adverse health. This could be something like a food intolerance where, you know, they're able to have a small amount of something, but if they eat more of something that they will have negative health repercussions, this could be something like a lactose intolerance, or I know for my son and I, we have a gluten intolerance.
[00:15:47] And so he may be able to have a small amount of something when I feel like it deemed socially beneficial for him to do so. But for the most part, we're going to have to limit it. And I'm going to have to say, no, we can't have more of that. It will have this particular adverse reaction. So it's okay to limit for that reason.
[00:16:06] Additionally, we know that for some kids, they may have really frequent bowel movements. If they eat too much of a given food, say a food that's high in fiber or something like too much fruit, if you know that a certain food upsets your child's. Or it makes them have to use the restroom. That is an okay reason to remind them we are going to limit this to one serving.
[00:16:29] And this is all we have additionally, an issue that I commonly see that a lot of parents don't even think to necessarily limit is something like milk. When kids consume too much milk, even with no lactose intolerance or dairy issue present, we can see that that can have the adverse effects. Of kids being so full off milk that they don't want to eat other nutrient rich foods, which can sometimes lead to issues like iron deficiency, anemia.
[00:16:56] And so we want to look at what actual adverse reactions we know may occur. If our child's eating a large quantity of a given food, but I want to caution you here to make sure that you're not unnecessarily restricting again, going back to your initial. If your intent is to restrict them, listen to part one of this series, if you don't know what I'm talking about, but if you are trying to restrict them just for the sake of it makes you feel uncomfortable, that they want more of a given food, or because you inadvertently are trying to pressure or bribe them to eat more of a given food before you allow them to have seconds of this food.
[00:17:35] That is not a valid reason to limit seconds in this way would mean that, you know, for this specific child, That there is an adverse health-related outcome when they eat a larger portion of the given food. As I mentioned with my son, the rules that apply for him and what his health needs are, are different than the rules that apply to my daughters.
[00:17:56] And it is my job as the parent to coach them through this, to walk them through this. My son is three. He's starting to understand when he didn't understand it was a hard, no, it was a no to any and everything because he couldn't understand it. I can have a little, but not a lot. It was perceived as restriction.
[00:18:13] Now there are certain situations where, when we're at a birthday party and he really wants something. If I know it kind of falls within the range that he's not going to. A big response to it and we can kind of quote unquote, get away with it and it won't make him sick. Then maybe we do on occasion. Let him have certain things, but he's starting to kind of understand this as we coach him through all of this for himself, but here, the point is not to reinforce fear.
[00:18:41] We are not telling our kids. You can't have another cupcake because that's too much. That's our own fear speaking that is not most often, that is not a valid health response for children. There's a lot of research to back this up that oftentimes it's the assumption as parents that when our kids have had Marcia.
[00:19:01] We automatically associate that with them, you know, bouncing off the walls and things like that. That is an assumption. There is not actual proof. They're showing that, you know, your child really does respond poorly when they have too much of this. Again, if you know, for your child, it is true. And there are about adverse health outcomes.
[00:19:20] When your child maybe has too much finger or excuse me too much. Or another one that often will come up is too much food dies. So it's not the sugar, it's the food dyes that you may notice a response to with your kids. One of my children, I typically can tell on her behavior when she has had more food dye, because that's not something that we usually allow at home.
[00:19:40] And so that would be a reason to limit a given food or giving them. Of foods. But with this, we are reinforcing the mindfulness. Like I said, we are not restricting just for the sake of restricting. We're not restricting out of our own fears. We are restricting in a way that coaches and models for our kids, how to be mindful of their body and what food does for their body.
[00:20:04] And so we want to walk through, as I said with, I do, as my son, I walk him through, we know when we eat. This is what our body does, and this is why our body's doing this. So we want to limit how much we eat of this food so that our body doesn't feel like that. And you can begin to tune your child in with their body, the way their body responds to different foods.
[00:20:26] And this, again, reinforces when we tell them, listen to your body, whether it be for hunger and fullness or whether it be for other cues of how they're feeling and how they're doing. This is just another way that we can reinforce a positive message through the limitations that we're putting on certain given foods, rather than arbitrarily restricting and missing a really valuable opportunity to teach our kids this.
[00:20:51] So to recap, in this three part series, we are on part two and we covered the three reasons. Why it would be okay to limit how much your child is having a given food or say no to seconds. And those are because you have a limited availability because the food is expensive or because there's an adverse health outcome that you need to try and okay.
[00:21:14] So I hope you can use these to feel empowered in your feeding relationship with your kid to empower them and aspects of things like having good manners at the table and when eating with others and having a shared meal to be good stewards of their money, and also to be mindful of their bodies and what fuels their bodies.
[00:21:35] If you put some of these practices into play, I would love to see and hear about them. Please be sure to tag me over on Instagram at veggies and virtue, when ever you share your child at the table, or you see yourself handling a situation, like one of those that we talked about today, thank you so much for spending the time with me today.
[00:21:55] I'm glad that. Hopefully just get to pour into you and help give you and your family send direction in your relationships with food and how you approach feeding your kids and raising them to be healthy, but also adventurous and competent eaters. I would love to come alongside you in this process. If this is something you struggle with, or if the context of today's episode felt like a little bit too big of an ask to do alone, I would love to partner with you in this journey.
[00:22:21] All you need to do is go to veggies and virtue.com backslash schedule. And you can schedule a 30 minute coaching call with me where we can hop on and discuss some of the hurdles that you might be having in feeding your family and help you come up with some easy, actionable steps that you can implement right away so that you don't have to feel stuck anymore, but can instead begin moving forward and how you feed your family.
