18 // Did you catch your kid with candy wrappers in their room?
Did you catch your kid with candy wrappers in their room?
Forget shame or blame! These are the four KEY takeaways to responding WELL when you find your kid hiding food (like candy).
Easter is over and whether you decided to be more practical with your basket-fillers or load them up with candy, chances are you are in that post-holiday hard spot when it comes to the added sweets and treats that are around. So whether it is only a few pastel candies left to consume or a bunch of candy from the big egg hunt being asked for all day, this episode takes you through how to remove shame, emphasize safety, and ultimately neutralize foods, like candy, to be something your family is open and honest about enjoying as a part of life.
This episode comes after a conversation I had with a fellow mom, following a presentation I gave to her MOPs group. Since it was a situation like one I had faced in my own home; I knew many families must be wondering – what do we do when our children hide food, specifically candy? Particularly when we, as parents, think we are being proactive about promoting food neutrality, this can feel like an embarrassing discovery and awkward situation address.
So, let’s get this conversation out in the open! These are the four things I have done as a dietitian mom and encourage other moms to do too when they find sneakiness around food.
Listen to this episode of The Veggies & Virtue Podcast now!
Full Episode Transcription
Please note this a raw transcription. If something doesn’t read correctly, toggle to that timestamp in the show so that you can listen in on what was actually being said!
[00:00:00] Did you catch your kid with candy wrappers in their room? Oh, I know how hard this is. I have been there as a mom and as the dietician, I hear this problem all the time. That's why in today's episode, I'm going to share with you four ways to respond. Well, when you find your little one hiding food, I know that Easter is over.
[00:00:18] And whether you decided to put more practical items in their Easter baskets, or you loaded them up kind of the traditional. There's a good chance that at your house, like mine, you are kind of in that holiday hard spot where right after the holidays, you know, that there's just added treats and sweets around.
[00:00:36] And you're kind of uncomfortable as a parent with knowing how to handle it. So whether it's just a few pastel candies left for everyone to consume, or you have a whole bunch of candy from some big neighborhood, Easter egg hunt, I want this episode to help, you know, how to remove shame and emphasize. See.
[00:00:53] As well as ultimately neutralized foods in the location and the approach that we have, whether it be something [00:01:00] like candy or truly any food that might be getting hidden and snuck up to say a bedroom. This episode stems from a conversation that I had with a fellow mom following a presentation that I did.
[00:01:12] At her mops group. And since it was one that I had walked through myself as a mom, I knew that there was probably other families who would benefit from hearing the advice that I gave her and how I personally have walked through this as well. So knowing that a lot of us are really trying to promote food neutrality in our homes.
[00:01:31] I know that this can be a super embarrassing subject to admit having. Let alone an awkward situation to know how to address with our kids. We don't want to make a big deal out of it. And yet internally it feels like a big deal. We know that there's not honesty and transparency in general, let alone in the feeding relationship.
[00:01:49] And that's just our clue as a parent to tune in to what's going on and to find the best way for us to respond well. So let's get open and honest about this [00:02:00] conversation and equip you and your. With a little more food, freedom.
[00:02:07] Hey mama, I'm Ashley. And welcome to the veggies and virtue podcast. In this podcast, you will find simple menu ideas, kitchen, organizational systems, spelled out for mom life and feeding tips and tricks that are both evidence-based and grace placed. I believe that you can find flexibility when it comes to feeding your family so that you can feel calm, capable, and connected in the kitchen as a registered dietician and Christian mom of three myself, and want you to break free from the mealtime.
[00:02:31] And to feel equipped while feeding your kids all day long, pull up a stool at my kitchen counter. And let me pour you a cup of coffee and say a quick prayer for you. It's time to chat about the mealtime messages moments in ministry of motherhood.
[00:02:47] All right. As I mentioned in the intro, this. Episode comes from a conversation that I had with a local mom recently after I spoke to her mops group. And I always hang around after the presentation so that I can just answer [00:03:00] any questions. And this mom came up to me and was just as sweet as could be. And she was sharing a lot about how intentional she's been in the home to really try and promote a food neutrality and offering a wide variety of foods.
[00:03:13] And she was saying how her five-year-old is. Healthy eater and really enjoys a lot of you know, categorically will I'm air quoting here, healthy foods. And she was saying how she had caught him sneaking food. And I thought this is so funny, cause this, I can honestly say I've not actually heard, but she said that at first it presented itself.
[00:03:34] Her son would sneak even things like bell peppers. And she said at first it became one where I was concerned because I'm finding like gross moldy bell pepper stems because the little boy would have literally grabbed the little bag of baby bell peppers and take them up to his room and sneak Anita. And she's like that bothered me because I didn't want to find these moldy bell pepper stems, but then it escalated to candy in the room.
[00:03:59] And that's when her. Discomfort with the issue of sneaking food naturally escalated a lot. And so she was asking you like, how do we handle this? I don't want to, you know, vilify candy more than I did the bell peppers. It's, you know, the cleanliness aspect, it's the, you know, lack of disclosure aspect. It just feels sneaky.
[00:04:20] It just makes me feel icky. Like it's just that gross feeling that I can tell that we're not being honest and I don't want to like react. And yet I'm afraid that my reaction. Wasn't consistent with the neutrality that we're trying to have in the home. And I just applauded this mom because she's so observant and so intentional.
[00:04:35] And I could really tell that within only a few minutes of talking to her, but I thought that, you know, with Easter having just happened and a lot of us having, you know, kind of some of those like seasonal influxes of candy in her home, I thought this might be a great time to highlight this conversation that I had with her.
[00:04:53] Because as I mentioned again in the intro, this is something that we've walked through in my home with my kids. I know this mom, you [00:05:00] know, is working through it with her kids. And so I just wanted to share with you guys some of the advice that I gave her and what I would encourage you in terms of the way that you can respond.
[00:05:09] Well, when you do find your kid hiding candy. So. You know, the big question that I thought stuck out for me with, in my conversation with her and that I would challenge you with is I asked her, would you respond the same? If it was a bell pepper versus a better. 'cause, you know, she was giving me this example of how her son was stealing a bag of bell peppers.
[00:05:34] And I think part of us as parents could be like, oh my gosh, that's like adorable and awesome. And okay, it's fine if he's still, if he's sneaking food because it's baby bell peppers, like pretty harmless outside of maybe a moldy stem under the bed. But in this case, what we're really boiling down to as parents because in the home and in the pantry and in the fridge and in the kitchen, we can do our best to really promote that food neutrality.
[00:05:55] But sometimes we have to take a step back as parents. And evaluate our, [00:06:00] our reactions to our kids, very natural, very normal habits and tendencies, and then experimenting with different things like sneaking food, our reactions to these different foods, neutral because as the mom shared, and as I suspected her response, when he was sneaking bell peppers was vastly different than her response when he was seeking candy.
[00:06:21] And again, I don't know that it was a better finger per se, but I think just asking yourself if I found my kid. Sneaking something let's say in this case, sticking with Easter candy. If I found my kids sneaking Easter candy, would I be responding the same as if they had snuck the, the, the carrots that we put out for the Easter bunny?
[00:06:42] And I know even for myself and a lot of us in this generation that we've been indoctrinated with diet culture and. I understand very well, a lack of food neutrality. And yet, even though we're combating against it, often with our kids and our family and our feeding approach, our reaction in [00:07:00] situations like this can often really be triggered.
[00:07:03] So all of this to say, I want to walk you through what I would consider four of the ways to respond to. If, and when this happens, the first is that we really want to remove Shane. Going back to that question. I just asked you guys, I want you to think about, am I neutral? Because oftentimes in the case of I'm going to just stick with bell peppers and Butterfingers for simplicity sake here, but you know, If you, as a mom found, you know, just kind of the remnants of baby bell peppers under your kid's bed, versus if you found the remnants of their Easter basket and lots of candy wrappers, check in with yourself and start processing those, those hard feelings.
[00:07:46] I think as long as it can be really hard because we have to own up to some of these Just internal opinions that we have, even if we don't think we're projecting them on our kid, because oftentimes when we are triggered or in a situation that triggers us,
[00:08:00] these things are what come out. If we haven't wrestled through them and work through.
[00:08:03] On her own or with our own relationships, with food and our own neutrality with these different types of food. So ask yourself is my response the same, because if we said I'm never, I'm never giving you bell peppers again, and we're never going to have bell peppers in this house because clearly I can't trust you with them.
[00:08:21] I know for me, I'm not going to say that. I know that I'm not going to threaten to take all that bell peppers away for the rest of my kids. But I think it would be so easy as a mom to say, well, I clearly can't trust you. So maybe we shouldn't put any Easter candy in your Katie, in your Easter baskets from now on.
[00:08:36] Or maybe we should just have no candy in the house because, you know, we feel threatened. We feel challenged. We feel like there has been a compromise in this feeding relationship, but what we need to do first is remove that shame. Just own what you see, come alongside your child, come at their level. And try and remove the shame from the situation and without expecting to respond and problem solve the situation right then and there, when you make the discovery is not the time to do something about it, what you need to do there.
[00:09:10] And the best way you can respond first and foremost is to remove shame from the situation so that your child knows that you are working towards trust. In the fading relationship. And so come along with your child and say, Hey, I found this in your room. Can you walk me through you know, that snack time, you know, can you walk me through what you were thinking when you brought the food up and just start asking questions and just bring it out into the light.
[00:09:34] And so they don't feel like it's something that they're having to, you know, maintain secrecy about or that they have to feel shame about. But as parents also. Try and not jump on them and automatically inflict another consequence because of what they've done, but it said get their level. Callie speak with them and try not to add any shame to the situation.
[00:09:55] Even if you inside do feel a little uncomfortable, embarrassed with it. The second and very important, but often overlooked is we need to emphasize safety because whether this is your kid taking grapes up to their room or a bag of Gobstopper. We need to consider the safety of the home and the safety for children.
[00:10:13] And so, you know, in this family, the five-year-old was the middle child and there was a two year old in the home too. And so honestly, even with the five-year-old, I wouldn't feel super comfortable with a lot of, you know, potential choking hazards of candies being eaten without supervision. And so my advice to this moment, my advice to you is make sure that the.
[00:10:33] You know, your entire household is past a window that you're really having to con you know, consider choking hazards. Because if this child takes food to their room, obviously they're subjected to a choking risk if they're eating this without any supervision. But additionally, if it's just kind of out and about in their room and then a younger sibling comes in the room and finds this choking hazard, even if it's a candy that is maybe safe for our child or.
[00:10:59] You know, this 5, 6, 7 year old. It may not be one that is safe for another child. It'd be the same. If a child had a peanut allergy or something like that. Also this mom shared a really scary story, actually, that she was saying that her youngest actually had choked on a candy wrapper that had been found from one of her siblings.
[00:11:17] And so it wasn't even the candy itself, but it was the candy wrapper that had blocked the youngest windpipe. So again, even if the candy has already been consumed in secrecy, we want to be considering, you know, is the wrapper per you know presenting a choking risk for a safety hazard as well. So that would be the second way that I would say you really need to respond and share that with your child and, you know, bring it back to, this is a safety thing first and.
[00:11:42] You know, we're removing shame, following that with we're emphasizing safety to them and set the boundaries of, I really need snacks and meals and anything we're eating to happen in the kitchen. This is for the safety of all of us, because I need to know when you guys are eating. So I know that you are safe and also we need to protect, you know, your little brother or your little sister.
[00:12:05] So we know that they're not having something that's not safe for them to eat. And so just really emphasize that with them. So they understand why you do want. Alert. And in the know when they're eating and you don't want them eating and secrecy really first and foremost, boils down to safety. And with this, it also helps shift into promoting open honesty, transparency.
[00:12:29] So that they know, you know, I don't have to hide this. I don't have to eat this in secret. There is no shame around this food first and foremost. And second of all, my mom loves me and is looking to keep me and my brothers and sisters safe. And so if, and when I want to eat this, I need to make sure that.
[00:12:47] In her presence and that I can have that open, honest conversation with her. If I feel like I want to sneak this, this is something I've talked to my kids about. I would rather you tell me, I feel this nudge. I feel [00:13:00] this pole to lie to you and to hide or sneak something. And so I want to be honest with you and tell you and know how we can work through it.
[00:13:07] And I would rather them tell me. And say, you know, I'm glad you're in tune with something that feels like a really strong craving and you didn't feel like you needed to hide it from me. So we want to open that up, but I think we really first and foremost have to start with removing shame and emphasizing safety, moving into the next two ways that we can respond.
[00:13:25] I want us to think about how we can neutralize the location because something that this moment I talked about, That candy jar and her home was on the top shelf of the pantry. And she said at first, when her son was taking the bell peppers, they were just in a snack drawer. She already does like a snack door, similar to what I share in the fridge.
[00:13:43] And she said like at first it was the bell peppers and, you know, he really likes bell pepper. So that seemed fine. But then she noticed the reason she knew that the candy had even been stolen is. I guess in their pantry type situation, he had to pull out the drawers to almost like build his own staircase, to reach up to the top shelf.
[00:14:00] And she's like the amount of like effort and intentionality he had to go through to get to that just made it feel even more dishonest. And, you know, I could tell, just really bothered her as I knew it would you know, myself in the situation as it presents itself and something I shared with her and I in no way mean to.
[00:14:20] You know, parallel our children to dogs, but a story came to mind when I was talking to her and I want to share here is when max our golden doodle was a puppy and we had the trainer out here. I remember her saying, because our biggest challenge with him is he's a full-size golden doodle is he can get up to the counters really easily.
[00:14:38] Before he was even six months old and he could just kinda eat anything. And with three kids who are home often, and, you know, having kids who are home all the time, it's like, I can't always have food put up. And I remember the dog trainer telling me that dogs are incentivized by the things that they enjoy and food and treats, and they're highly rewarded and incentivized by food.
[00:15:00] But the reward double. When they have to hunt for it and get it themselves. So she said, even if the food that's on the counter is given to him as a treat and it's an intentionally given to him, it's a lesser reward because he didn't have to do for it where it's in the dog's nature to want to hunt for this.
[00:15:17] And when he gets it, it just makes the pleasure of actually eating it that much greater. And so something I shared with her for her son is to think about. And I don't know if this is a boy versus girl thing or not. I mean, I have both, but I could see my son feeling this sense of, you know, just zeal. I don't know.
[00:15:38] I just picture, I can just picture like, you know, going on a battle to get this candy and climbing up the pantry to get something that's, you know, on the top shelf and him feeling like it's a quest and it being that much more. Both incentivizing to go on that quest, but also pleasing once he's gotten his prize
[00:16:00] and boy or a girl, I think there is this sense with kids of just seeking this independence and going for this thing that, that we have literally.
[00:16:10] And so I want you to the third point, I want you to think about is how can you neutralize the location? This is something I talked about a lot at Halloween because I caught myself having the candy jar on the top shelf. Part of that was because we had a new puppy. Part of it was because I had a toddler and I just didn't want to worry about the choking hazards and things like that.
[00:16:31] But I also realized for my other kids, did it convey a message to them that was inconsistent with the food neutrality that I was trying to otherwise promote? Because I think oftentimes as parents, we think I'm not showing them that like food is elevated or it's better than, and I'm not trying to put it on a pedestal or anything.
[00:16:47] Like we think that we're really proactively combating this so that candy or such foods are not on a pedestal. But when we look at our pantry, Again, safety and other reasons aside, we do need to ask ourselves, have we literally elevated this food by putting it on the top shelf and making it out of reach?
[00:17:07] There is a lot of research that shows that, you know, if we keep candy or such foods out of sight, that they are more out of mind. But what I want to caution you as the parent on here is that if this food is out of sight, but it is not out of mind for your child. That is when you likely need to neutralize something, because if your child is mentally preoccupied with this food and how to go on a quest to get this food that is more concerning and more troublesome, in my opinion, as a dietician.
[00:17:39] Then then just getting to have the food. So I would rather, my children not be mentally preoccupied and fixated on this food and feeling as though it's this quest to get it. And then there's this secrecy to need to go and enjoy it in private. I would rather them just eat it transparently more often in the kitchen and to feel that food freedom, and to feel that mental freedom of thinking about the food as much.
[00:18:04] If that makes sense. And so what I want you to think about is how can you neutralize the location? And again, I've shared on this a few different times, but one of the things for us and what I encourage this mom to do was simply to bring the candy jar down, bring it down on the same level as the crackers and the fruit snacks, and, you know, the cereal and all the other things in the pantry that might be in a more like eye level.
[00:18:27] Additionally, this might mean something like in the snack drawer. I have put it in the snack drawer in our fridge before, just a little bit of candy and one of the little bins, so that it's seen as one of the options. Does that mean that we're going to eat it every snack every day? No, but for the sake of this step and making sure that the way you're responding is it as a smart response, it's neutralizing the location by if you have literally elevated it to something that's kind of creating increased appeal for you.
[00:18:54] Neutralize that location. And then piggybacking off of this, the fourth and final, I want you to think about how can you neutralize the situation is do you need to adjust or adhere to a routine? Because again, if a food has a really increased interest for your child, You may need to make it more liberalized.
[00:19:14] You may need to begin increasing the opportunities that they have to eat a food. Like if it's, if your kids seem really into candy, you may need to make candy more available to them until they become less mentally preoccupied with it. Or you may see that for your child. They're always asking for candy right after.
[00:19:35] You know, they don't really think you were talking about it otherwise, but it seems like right after school, well, you may need to adjust or adhere to your routine where, you know, you were able to pick something from the candy jar as part of your afternoon snack. And of course, that's probably not enough to satisfy them for a complete afternoon snack, but this is where you can take the first steps and begin to move forward in a really transparent, open, honest conversation about what is working with our.
[00:20:03] Dessert policy and routine around foods like sweets or candies. And where do we need to just, you know, adhere to that routine? Or where is this not working? And we need to adjust it because you are having either a mental preoccupation with. Or you're just seem really obsessive about this food and we need to liberalize it a little bit more and maybe give you a little bit more access to it and tell the mental interest starts to wane.
[00:20:28] This is very normal and very natural and not something that you as a parent need to feel shame or embarrassed about, but it is something that you need to tune into so that you can begin to remove. Emphasize safety, neutralize the location, and ultimately adhere to, or adjust your routine to help support healthy feeding habits.
[00:20:52] This does not mean candy free feeding habits. This means overall a healthy relationship with all foods for your family. So jot down some things that stuck out to you from this episode and tag me on social. If you're going to change something in your home or you. You are bringing the candy bin down after Easter, or you're going to maybe let them pick some of the candy out of their Easter basket to put in the snack drawer in the fridge tag me, I would love to see what action steps you guys are taking from this episode.
[00:21:22] Or share this with a friend. If this is something that a friend has confided in, you please share this episode because this is something that as moms we can feel really insecure about if it happens and yet it's just part of parenthood and it's part of. You know, walking through building a healthy relationship with food with our kids.
[00:21:40] And so share this episode with a friend that, you know, maybe has struggled with this, or maybe that you've had conversations about, or that you've had conversations with on this subject and you know, help support them and help support others in making their home have healthier relationships with all things.
[00:21:59] It has been a joy having you on podcast today. And if you've enjoyed it as well, I have a quick favor to ask. Do you mind hopping over to apple podcasts and leaving me a written review? This will only take you a hot second, but it truly blesses me every time I get to read one of you right over there. And it allows me to bless others through this podcast and the episodes to come.
[00:22:19] The other thing that. To take a screenshot of this episode and tag me over on Instagram at veggies and virtue, I would love to see what action steps that you're taking from this episode, and also to support your family in the journey moving forward until next time. Thanks for coming over to chat at my kitchen counter.
[00:22:34] Remember that you will always have a seat and a snack waiting for you here.
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