The Division of Responsibility in Feeding
As parents, feeding can be one of the most stressful times of day. We want so badly to do what’s best for our kids both in the short-term and the long-term, so it’s hard to cope when what’s good for them long-term (like broccoli) makes them so dang miserable in the short-term! Thankfully, using the Division of Responsibility (sDOR) in feeding can go a long way in reducing this stress and making mealtimes more enjoyable for the whole family.
What is the Division of Responsibility in feeding?
The Division of Responsibility is a term coined by feeding expert Ellyn Satter. It acknowledges what both child and parent are responsible for when it comes to feeding. The theory posits that with support and an appropriate eating environment, children can naturally decide what they eat and self-regulate around food.
An appropriate eating environment is one that supports a child’s exploration and decision making when it comes to food, and that respects the specific roles and responsibilities between parents and child(ren) at each stage of development. Recognizing our kids’ natural capacities and abilities when it comes to feeding is what allows us to create the environment our kids need in order to become competent eaters.
Tackling Meal Time Stress & Overwhelm
When stress becomes the meal-time norm, sometimes we go into survival mode. It starts with a one-time feeding shortcut or us pushing our own issues and insecurities with eating on our kids, and it snowballs from there. We hear a snippet of advice here, do as our parents did there, and before long we have a mixed-bag of feeding strategies that are more reactive than proactive (and that stress everyone out!).
Enter Division of Responsibility:
Also known as: the only approach to feeding you’ll ever need to use again. Seriously!
If you’re at your wits end with pushing foods on your kids ("three more bites!"), bribing them to eat ("if your eat your meal, you can have dessert"), or pressuring them to consume "healthy foods," it’s likely to be your saving grace.
These other, slightly more intense feeding strategies may work for physically getting the food into the child, but they’re just not effective approaches long-term. They don’t empower your child to become a “good” eater, explore foods, or teach them to listen to their hunger and satiety cues. And, they leave you angry and exhausted.
What It Means To Raise “Good” Eaters
As Ellyn Satter writes in Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family, “good eaters have positive attitudes about food, can learn to like new foods available to them, and intuitively eat the amount of food they actually need for growth.” And while this definition tells us what our kids should be doing, it’s also super important to note that these good eating skills can really only develop with support and guidance from us.
Babies, toddlers, and children are capable of becoming the good eaters we want them to be! We just need to help them get there.
Their role in becoming good eaters is taking responsibility for deciding if and how much to eat. Ours is to select, prepare and serve them different foods, so that we decide what, when, and where to offer meals and snacks (until they’re grown and able to do it for themselves).
Note: Our role stops right there! It does not extend to forcing them to eat certain foods, or worrying about which foods they choose to eat and in what quantities. (Is that a huge relief, or what!?)
Realizing that your child(ren) are responsible for some aspects of their own feeding is a big deal! It takes some of the pressure off and allows you to stress less around meal times. It’s also the fundamental understanding you need when it comes to the Division of Responsibility approach to feeding. More responsibility on their end means a surrender of some control on your end, for things like whether or not that food you made actually ends up in their mouth!
Does the Division of Responsibility actually work?
Yes! The Division of Responsibility (also referred to as sDOR) has been thoroughly researched and vetted, and it’s recommended as best-practice for feeding by:
The Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics
The American Academy of Pediatrics
Head Start
WIC: the Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children
USDA Food and Nutrition Service
Expert committee on child obesity
I also personally use this approach with my three kids, and I’ve coached many of my clients to successfully implement it, too. (You can read all about my experience as a dietitian and mom to picky eaters here.)
How do I know if my family needs the Division of Responsibility?
It might be time to try the Division of Responsibility if:
Your child is super picky
You feel like a short order cook at mealtime
You’ve been trying hard to introduce new foods, with no luck
You feel totally confused and unconfident around feeding
You’re ready to reclaim your sanity and enjoy family meals
When you start to implement the sDOR approach, you can expect to:
Establish an appropriate feeding relationship between you and your child
Develop positive attitudes about eating and food (for the whole family!)
Trust your child’s food acceptance skills (which promote variety and a well-balanced diet)
Support your child nutritionally, ensuring they’re getting enough of everything
See your child rely on their own internal regulation skills. These are the skills that support informed food selections, guided energy balance, and healthy body weight!
Foster skills and resources for managing the food context and orchestrating family meals
*Swoon!* I think we all want this!
So how does the Division of Responsibility work?
‘Division of Responsibility’ means that the responsibility for feeding your child actually does not fall solely on mom and dad’s shoulders! Instead, parents take care of certain aspects of feeding, while the child takes responsibility for any and all aspects that they are capable of doing themselves (depending on where they’re at developmentally).
As shared on the Ellyn Satter Institute, the division of responsibility breaks down like this:
The Division of Responsibility for Infants
Infancy is the one life stage where your child gets to be in charge of the when and where of feeding, in addition to if/whether and how much they eat. You, as the parent, can support them in the following ways however an infant’s lead should always direct when and where food is offered in the first year of life.
The parent is responsible for:
What the baby is fed (breastmilk or formula)
Creating a calm and responsive feeding environment
Adjusting the environment and daily routines to accommodate the infant’s cues for timing, tempo, frequency, and amount of feeds
The infant is responsible for:
When to eat
Where to eat
Whether or not to eat
How much they choose to eat
The Division of Responsibility for Toddlers
Parents increasingly assume responsibility for when and where their child is fed.
The parent is now responsible for:
What foods the child is offered
When the child is fed
Where the child is fed (based on child's feeding abilities)
The toddler is responsible for:
Whether or not to eat what is offered
How much they choose to eat
The Division of Responsibility for Children
From toddlerhood through adolescence, parents facilitate more structured meal times as part of the daily routine.
The parent is responsible for:
What foods the child is offered
When the child is fed
Where the child is fed
The child is responsible for:
Whether or not to eat what is offered
How much they choose to eat
How early can you start using the Division of Responsibility?
You can start thinking in terms of Division of Responsibility even while your child is still a baby.
Establishing this feeding foundation from the start of you and your child's feeding relationship will help you to share positive attitudes and approaches to eating and feeding in the many years ahead.
When hiccups do arise (as are normal and age-appropriate), you as the parent can remain confident and collected on how you are approaching meals and snacks. When these situations do arise, remember to stick to the core competencies of the Division of Responsibility, instead of resorting to maladaptive behaviors.
If you haven't adopted sDOR yet, and find yourself struggling with some troublesome feeding scenarios, know that it is never too late to begin implementing this approach!
Because sDOR is the best practice approach for kids of all ages, you can successfully start to shift how you feed your child at any age.
Older children may struggle more to adopt this feeding approach due to months or years of adopting less effective eating behaviors, but don’t worry, you will get there! Using a new feeding strategy can take time to learn and implement, but you can definitely do it.
How To Get Started with Division of Responsibility
#1 Reflect On Your Own Eating Style
Reflection is an important step for parents who want to raise competent eaters. Self-awareness of your own eating competence, food beliefs, and habits is key! Are you a picky eater yourself? Did you grow up with certain expectations around food? It’s worth taking a moment to reflect on your own journey.
#2 Start Implementing These 5 Easy Steps
Ready to jump in? Click here to read my post on establishing the Division of Responsibility in 5 simple steps.
#3 Help Your Child to Understand the Division Of Responsibility
Parents often come to me asking, "What should I say when..." scenarios. That's why, something I share with all of my Academy families and now want to make available to each of you, is a three-page DOR Script Suggestions download!
The best part? It’s totally free! Download your copy below:
Want More? Access In-Depth Coaching, Support, and Resources by joining The Academy!
The Love it, Like it, Learning it® Academy is an 8-week coaching program to teach you the secrets and steps to helping your child learn to like new foods.
Imagine what it would be like if your child:
Was open to try many foods s/he previously wouldn’t touch
Gradually expanded her/his palate to eat from a variety of foods from each food group
Could eat from whatever food was offered to the rest of the family (no more separate meals!)
Learned to like foods s/he previously couldn’t even tolerate on the table
Ate when they were hungry, stopped when they were full, and didn’t throw a fit in between meals and snacks
And imagine if you, as the parent:
Felt less stress and tension at meal times
Were able to address picky eating early on
Finally found an approach to feeding that clicks for you and your child
Felt confident in helping your children become better eaters
Helped your child try different foods without any bribery or pressure